


all i taste is ashes and my lips are turning numb

by missnothingmisseverything



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anesthesia, Angst, Connor Deserves Happiness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Just Roll With It, Memory Issues, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Post-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Swearing, questionable android biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15856425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missnothingmisseverything/pseuds/missnothingmisseverything
Summary: Connor knew Androids didn’t need to breathe, but right now he felt like he had no breath, like he had been punched hard in his thirium pump and was struggling to draw in air. ‘I can’t—‘ he choked on his words. ‘I don’t—‘‘What?’ Hank finally let the fork down and moved around the table to Connor.Connor lifted his gaze, finally meeting the lieutenant’s eyes. ‘I don’t remember.’--Connor and Hank need a serious vacation. Too bad life is too much of a problem.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> i've been craving angst, okay, and i couldn't resist the call of this fandom after reading some things about it and watching 3 let's play's. enjoy this, i guess

    It started with a bad morning.

    **> RK800_REBOOT_SEQUENCE **

    **> LOADING OS **

    **> SYSTEM INITIALIZATION **

    ** >>CHECKING BIOCOMPONENTS… FUNCTIONAL **

    **> >INITIALIZING BIOSENSORS… FUNCTIONAL **

    **> >INITIALIZING AI ENGINE… FUNCTIONAL **

    **> ALL SYSTEMS OPTIMAL **

    **MEMORY STATUS...**

    **> >MEMORY BANKS… C0Rr#U8P7&4 **

    **> >EXITING STANDBY MODE**

    Connor gradually opened his eyes and he was hit by the light in the living room. It was seeping through the curtains, warming up his face. He sat up and his ‘morning software’, as Hank called it, kicked in. The figures ‘8:09 a.m’ swam around in his vision and he fought the urge to swat them away. He vaguely remembered numbers, letters buzzing in his vision, like a flash. In a second, they were gone.

But Connor sensed something was wrong. Something, there was something inside his program that wasn’t ‘functional’. He gripped the soft pillow on the couch.

He was in Hank’s living room, opposite the TV. He had been sleeping on his couch since the android revolution ended, when he had deviated and realized he had nowhere to go. CyberLife had fallen (and even if it hadn’t, Connor was sure he didn’t want to return to them) and he couldn’t go to Jericho. Markus had offered him shelter for some time, but Connor knew better. Jericho didn’t feel safe around him, and he couldn’t blame them. Everyone remembered the infamous deviant hunter. It didn’t matter that he had basically saved them. He had hunted them before that.

Nobody would forget it.

Connor had been debating where to go when Hank had offered to take him in. Obviously, Connor had been puzzled by the offer. He thought of the lieutenant as his friend, maybe his closest friend, but living with him…

    ‘It’s not permanent. It doesn’t have to be, anyway,’ Hank had said. They were at the Chicken Feed some days after the revolution, Hank devouring a burger and Connor grimacing while analyzing his calorie intake. ‘You can sleep on my couch,’ he finished and took another bite of his burger.

‘I do not ‘sleep’, per-say. I go into stand-by mode every night to accommodate my systems and to repair any damage sustained over the day.’ Connor felt the need to point out certain things about his android lifestyle when Hank got them wrong.

Hank rolled his eyes and he sipped his soda. ‘You know what I mean. You saved my life, kid. Might as well repay you somehow.’

A smile pulled at Connor’s mouth’s corners. It came out lopsided, but it just made Hank smile back and his heart squirm. Connor was so much like Cole sometimes. Even if he was made to appear an adult, in his eyes he was still a kid.

‘Well, Lieutenant… I think I’ll take you up on your offer.’

The memory faded into nothingness and Connor gasped softly, almost like trying to grasp it, take it back and touch it. His processor whirred and he could feel the blue blood in him boil, struggling to comprehend what he had forgotten. It was like a light in his head was gone.

_no_

    ** >MEMORY BANKS FULL!!**

** >DELETE MEMORIES?**

    Connor shook his head before mouthing a ‘no’ and choosing his input response.

    **> NO**

    **> MEMORY BANKS FULL!!**

    ** >>CLEANUP_MEMORY PROTOCOL ACTIVATED**

** >>>DELETING FILE 20381213_CF **

    **> >>FILE 20381213_CF DELETED**

    Connor’s vision was assaulted by error messages and exclamation signs. This time he actually tried swatting at them as if that would make them go away. They clogged his eyes and a new one appeared every second. It was as if his whole system was crumbling, frozen and buried into the outside blizzard Connor hated.

Xxx

    The alarm rang next to the bed and Hank opened his eyes and promptly shut them again. His head pounded with the hangover. He could still taste the scotch on his tongue and his throat was still raw from the shouting. He vaguely remembered sitting in the bar with Connor, downing the drinks in celebration for closing another case. Hank groaned and rubbed the back of his head. The blinds were closed and Hank knowingly passed opening them. He could barely stand the pain as it was. He hit that alarm until he nailed the snooze button, but the drilling in his head didn’t stop.

That damned android. He only let him drink when something big happened. He had no alcohol in the house anymore, as Connor had made him get rid of it.

Thankfully, Connor had willingly come with him last night. He was happy that case was closed, too. It had been a gruesome one, concerning both androids and humans. The gang was using repurposed androids stolen from the people’s homes, resetting them and using them to commit their crimes since they didn’t leave fingerprints. They were lucky the dealers’ smarts ended there and they couldn’t be bothered to try and clean up after one of theirs was shot. Hank was surprised it took them that long to make a mistake.

There was still paperwork to be done. Hank finally sighed and stuck his feet into his slippers. He stood up and swayed for a second, then walked towards the kitchen.

Which he found empty.

Hank frowned. Usually at this hour, Connor would be patiently waiting for him on a chair at the table, hands neatly folded on his lap. Even if Connor was deviant now, some old habits like that were just too well implemented to get rid of them.

But he wasn’t there.

‘Connor?’ Hank shouted through the house. It rang clearly, but there was still no sign of the android.

Had he forgotten to wake up or set his internal alarm or whatever?

Hank made his way towards the living room, a feeling of dread pooling in his stomach. Everything in the house seemed to be in order, where he had left it. No signs of a break in.

He entered the living room with heavy steps and his eyes immediately lay on Connor. The Android was sitting on the couch, unmoving, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. The LED on his temple was circling a deep yellow and it wouldn’t fall back to blue, but Connor looked panicked and the dread was now working its way up the lieutenant’s throat. He rushed to Connor’s side and gently touched his shoulder.

No response, his LED still going a concerning yellow.

‘Fuckin’ hell… Connor! Wake up!’ Hank shook his shoulder harder now, rousing him but Connor didn’t budge. Hank moved in the front of his Android friend and placed his other hand on Connor’s shoulder. He shook him again and this time a yelp escaped Connor’s lips.

‘Hank—‘ he coughed but resumed talking afterwards, as if nothing had happened. ‘I’m fine.’ Connor righted himself and Hank removed his hands from his shoulders.

‘What? Kid, what was that?’ Hank was concerned and it was visible on his features, brows furrowed, eyes narrowed.

‘Just a minor error. It’s been fixed now, lieutenant.’

Hank tsked. ‘I told you, it’s Hank when we leave work.’

Connor chuckled. ‘Sorry, Hank.’

Hank eyed Connor suspiciously but ultimately let it go. ‘C’mon. Let’s get something to eat,’ he said and patted his shoulder. Connor got up and followed Hank, trying to appear composed, but he felt the panic that lingered in his limbs. He forgot something. Something had happened. It hurt him to try to remember.

Xxx

    Hank flipped the pancake easily in the pan, smirking at himself and gesturing for Connor to look at him.

‘If you would let me do it they would be done by now,’ Connor sighed.

‘Nope,’ Hank said popping the p, ‘missed your chance.’

Connor was sitting down at the table. Androids didn’t need to eat so he usually just made small talk while Hank ate whatever. Hank usually felt bad eating in front of Connor but there was nothing he could do. ‘Androids can’t ingest food, Lieutenant. It causes damage our biocomponents.’

    Finally, Hank sat down at the table with his pancakes. His mouth watered just looking at them.

‘God, my head is killing me,’ he said, pouring maple syrup all over his meal. ‘That scotch from last night was too good.’ Hank grabbed his fork and cut at the dripping pancakes, ultimately stabbing them and humming at the taste.

‘Did you go somewhere last night, Lieutenant?’

Hank abruptly stopped eating, fork halfway to his mouth. He studied Connor attentively, looking for any sign of mischief on his features.

‘Last night. Jimmy’s Bar,’ he said, concern pouring over his words. ‘Case celebration?’

Connor cocked his head to the side and Hank could see the confusion in his eyes. He continued, ‘Android Drug Gang case?’ but Connor didn’t seem to recognize his words.

‘What?’ he choked out.

He stared at Hank. Fear took the place of confusion and his brown eyes were having trouble staying focused.

Hank huffed a nervous laugh. ‘Kid, are playing a fuckin’ prank on me or something? It’s too early for this.’

Connor didn’t move. ‘Are you positive I was there?’ His voice was small, like he wanted to appear confident but failed miserably.

‘Connor, you carried me home!’

Connor knew Androids didn’t need to breathe, but right now he felt like he had no breath, like he had been punched hard in his thirium pump and was struggling to draw in air. ‘I can’t—‘ he choked on his words. ‘I don’t—‘

‘What?’ Hank finally let the fork down and moved around the table to Connor.

Connor lifted his gaze, finally meeting the lieutenant’s eyes. ‘I don’t remember.’ Hank’s blood froze in his veins but he willed himself to remain calm for Connor’s sake. He was frantic, looking all around, hands trembling slightly in front of him. He was breathing weird, like he couldn’t store enough air in his robotic lungs.

The Android was hyperventilating, Hank realized, and he had to do something about it before he short-circuited or shut down or whatever ‘passing out’ meant to androids. Hell, when did Androids started getting panic attacks?

    Connor was, decidedly, not fine.

Errors clouded his sight again and he could barely read something along the lines of _overheatingpleaselowertemperaturestresslevelsrisingpleasealert_ before he felt a touch on his back, a hand rubbing patterns, trying to calm him. He didn’t know what that meant, but his system detected it as a comforting mannerism used on people experiencing a deep panic.

He heard Hank call his name as if he were underwater, submerged in his very own terror. His optical units were open but he couldn’t see. His auditory sensors were functional but he couldn’t hear. What was happening to him? Was his CPU having trouble?

‘Breathe, son. Like that, yeah.’

Minutes passed and Connor slowly regained composure. Hank was next to him now. He smelled of alcohol from last night, apparently. There were pancakes in front him.

‘What’s happening, Connor? Talk to me.’

‘I- It was an error,’ he rasped out. His throat was scratchy. Had he screamed?

He turned to look at Hank. His silver hair was falling in strands around his face. Red rimmed his blue eyes from the late night out. ‘Are you okay?’

Connor breathed in again. He was fine. It was just an error. He was fine. He was _fine_.

‘It’s solved. My self-repair program repaired it.’ Connor hated lying. He hated lying to Hank, but there was no way he would let him know he couldn’t remember most of last week, the case or last night. It could be just an error. He was fine. He would fix it later that night.

Right now, he prayed his red LED wouldn’t give away his bad lie.

‘That fast?’ Hank quirked an eyebrow. He wasn’t buying it. ‘Didn’t know your program is that advanced.’

Connor was still a bit frazzled from earlier; the trembling hadn’t subsided and he felt his cheeks wet, even though his systems hadn’t announced him of saltine leaking.

‘So,’ Hank’s voice broke the silence, ‘are you alright now?’

‘Yes,’ Connor answered, even though he knew that wasn’t necessarily what the lieutenant meant. Hank wanted to know if he remembered.

But he didn’t.

Surely, that was just an error. His memory was just having some trouble since the deviancy. It just had to get adjusted.

He was fine.

Everything was fine.

Xxx

    Next time Connor gave the errors a thought was a week later, while at work. They had barely arrived and Hank had been whining the whole way about the fact that they had to go through old cases to verify information.

Hank turned down the music and took his key out of ignition. He touched Connor’s arm lightly and he smiled back, getting out of the car.

‘Goddamnit, I can never find a good parking place ‘round here,’ Hank grumbled and stuck his hands in the coat pockets.

The pair finally arrived at the precinct, 15 minutes late and a thin coating of snow over them. It was now melting and Hank’s hair looked like he had just come out of a shower. Connor often asked him when or if he was going to cut it, but Hank always flipped him off. That was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

Connor stood next to Hank, only his CyberLife issued jacket keeping him warm. Androids usually didn’t feel cold, but this was extreme weather. It felt like the Thirium was freezing inside him, bun Connor knew that wasn’t possible in this temperature. It took more than some snow to do that. Either way, he regretted not getting something warmer from home.

Hank walked towards his desk and Connor took out his calibration coin. It hung heavy in his pocket and he hadn’t used it in a long time. Connor would hate to neglect his calibration, but he also felt guilty for not using it more, as if it were alive. It was just a coin. But it was his coin.

‘Connor?’ He heard Hank’s voice coming from his desk. He was already bored.

‘Coming!’ he shouted back, then picked out the pace towards his own desk, across from Hank.

‘What a fucking bother…’ Hank muttered under his breath. He typed in his password then sat relaxed on his back, barely reaching the mouse. Connor chucked a small laugh at the sight, then turned to his own computer.

The computers were always booted up, which Connor found a bit unnerving, as he himself was technically a computer but still needed things like sleep and Thirium. It was weird, but he found himself caring for inanimate objects as if they were alive since he went deviant.

He dragged his chair closer to his desk and woke up the computer. The terminal flashed and the words ‘Enter User Password’. They were three simple words that shouldn’t have cause a headache, but Connor’s fingers hovered above the keyboard as his LED glowed yellow. He narrowed his eyes and blinked in confusion, staring down the letters, but no recollection of a password came to his mind. He obviously had set up one, but when? What was it? Connor lightly pushed the ‘2’ button, but not hard enough to enter the character. His mind fumbled around, trying to figure the password to his own computer. His brows were furrowed and he could feel his processor working overtime, trying to uncover the hidden password. He clenched his hands into fists then unclenched them again, swallowed (what? Androids didn’t need to swallow) the thick terror in his throat and looked around, trying to get a clue as to what the password might be.

He entered ‘Sumo’. An error flashed. That wasn’t it.

‘Deviant’, ‘Hank’ and ‘123456’ didn’t do the trick either and Connor was starting to panic when Hank finally perked up from his own computer.

‘Connor? The fuck are you doing?’ Connor looked up and his eyes were glassy, like he was holding tears back. His mouth was open but he was struggling to make the words come out, like he couldn’t speak.

He looked so _confused_ , and Hank’s heart almost broke at the sight.

He sat down straight in his chair. ‘Con, what’s wrong?’

The nickname use finally made Connor react. ‘I can’t remember my password.’ He was trying to sound confident when he spoke, but it just made him sound more confused.

Hank frowned and a deep anxiety tugged at his chest. Connor never forgot anything. They came here everyday and everyday he put in his password. It wasn’t normal to just forget it. ‘Your password? What do you mean?’

Connor blinked one time. ‘Just that. I can’t remember my password, Lieutenant.’ His words were grumbled now, like he was doing something else besides talking to Hank. He could almost hear the gears working in Connor, his distant eyes and his quirked eyebrow giving it all away.

Hank thought androids could remember everything. They were superior beings and were made to help humans, which included reminding them of things they had forgotten. On top of that, Connor was an advanced, state-of-the-art prototype. He was more than capable of remembering a simple password.

This wasn’t something normal, and Hank recalled the event from some time ago, with the red ice case. The morning Connor had forgotten their long, tedious case he had worked so hard on.

That didn't just _happen._ Connor had said then it was only an error his system had solved, but Hank heavily doubted that.

Right now, he had no idea how to help Connor or what to say to jog his memory.

‘You, uh, you said once it’s something you would never forget.’

Obviously, that had been the wrong thing to say. Connor glanced back at the lieutenant and this time, fear and confusion were evident on his face. A single tear escaped and he mumbled ‘Then why…?’

Hank’s heart broke further, as if little cracks were developing because of Connor. He stood up from his desk and he knew people were watching now. He could feel Gavin’s icy glare on his back, but he couldn’t care less. The only thing that mattered was Connor.

Hank reached him and pulled his head into a half-hug as Connor started sobbing quietly. He outstretched a hand to stroke his hair and Connor only gave a sad whimper. He was a kid, Hank knew. He was still grasping deviancy and emotions and this wasn’t his first outburst from a seemingly small thing.

Connor was gripping Hank’s coat tightly and Hank could’ve sworn he saw his knuckles turn white from the force. He moved to try to pry his hand, whispering ‘okays’ and telling Connor that it was fine, it would all be fine, even though he doubted that himself.


	2. Snowflakes Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘I-‘ Connor abruptly stopped, trying to gather his thoughts. He might as well just start with the beginning. ‘I don’t remember your name.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay another chapter! thank you all for the support on this fic, i'm really thankful. so many people who are suckers for angst and memory loss like me :')

    Connor was sitting in the back of Hank Anderson’s car on the 5th of January 2039, slumped against the cold window in defeat. The lieutenant was driving in the front and he was angry, fingers tapping the steering wheel at every red light he stopped at. Connor could see him clench his jaw and he could feel the tension in the vehicle, which is why he had chosen to stay in the back rather than in the front, next to Hank. He definitely didn’t want to talk, not after the morning they had just had. Connor felt awful for lying, really, he did, but what else could he have done? He knew whatever problem his memory banks had was getting worse, but if his self-repair system didn’t fix it, was it really fixable?

He didn’t want to forget, but was there really any other choice?

**STRESS LEVELS: 65%**

**WARNING: STRESS LEVELS INCREASING**

‘You alright back there, kid?’ Hank questioned from the front seat. He glanced at Connor in the rearview mirror, but he hadn’t moved since Hank had ushered him into the car. He hadn’t meant to scream at Connor, he was scared. Kid had been lying for some time to him and the lieutenant couldn’t believe he had fallen for it. Hank mentally slapped himself. Connor was already fragile, all with the deviant shit.

Connor didn’t answer his question. He was gazing out the window and he looked calm, but his yellow LED made it clear he wasn’t, glowing against the glass.

Hank turned his head to see Connor while still trying to keep an eye on the road. ‘I’m sorry for shouting, Connor. I didn’t mean to.’

‘ ‘s fine,’ Connor mumbled back, in a low voice. His eyes were half-lidded with exhaustion, even though he had been in standby mode for the recommended time of 10 hours.

‘I know you’re confused,’ Hank continued.

Connor narrowed his eyes. ‘I’m not ‘confused’.’ His voice held venom he hadn’t meant to use. Hank just wanted to help him.

‘Yeah, Connor, I think you are.’ Hank gripped the steering wheel firmly, turning right. ‘Do you know how long you’ve been having these errors?’

Trick question, Connor thought. Of course he didn’t. It wasn’t like he gave them much thought afterwards. He decided to answer Hank with a question. ‘Where are we going?’

‘Jericho,’ Hank said, no hesitation.

_Jericho_. Connor mulled over the word in his mind, faint memories coming to his aid. He vaguely remembered names like Markus, who he was pretty sure was the leader. Connor had tried to kill him more than once, so he didn’t understand why Markus would offer him help. He remembered running once, after going deviant and jumping into cold, cold water along with some people.

‘How much longer did you think you could keep this from me?’ Hank’s voice was sad. He felt betrayed, in a way, that Connor hadn’t told him he was struggling. Guilt still gnawed at him though, because he should have payed attention to it sooner.

It wasn’t ‘just an error’ anymore.

Connor had forgotten Hank’s name that morning.

Xxx

_2 hours earlier_

    Hank entered his kitchen, still groggy from his slumber. His feet thudded heavily in the silence of the house and he ran a hand through his hair. He felt a thick fur on his thigh and he glanced down to see Sumo curling around his leg. The dog’s glassy eyes seemed sad and, even though he in no way knew how to read dogs’ emotions, Hank knew immediately something wasn’t right. Sumo padded away to his food bowl and only when he borfed softly Hank noticed it was empty. Sumo sat down expectantly and Hank hurried to feed him. That was something Connor did.

The android was usually up and about at this hour, but Hank hadn’t expected him to wake up as early today. They had just caught a culprit yesterday. A foot chase resulted in a fight between the human and Connor. Hank had had his gun out, but there was no way he could shoot without risking to harm his partner so he had just sat silently, watching the two struggling. Eventually Connor had managed to knock him out, but not without sustaining a few hits. His skin had started to disappear in places and Hank could see the white of the plastic beneath Connor’s appearance. Connor had nodded back at Hank and the lieutenant moved to cuff him.

Connor had said there was no major damage, nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a good night’s standby mode.

Even though Hank knew Connor would be fine, he couldn’t help but think of that one time, weeks ago, when he found him erroring on his couch—

Sumo wagged his tail at the sight of the dog food hitting the bowl and as one does when they see food. He grossly ate at the grains until a noticeable dent was formed in the bowl.

Hank grimaced and rolled the food bag back up, letting it flop on the floor. He would have sat around to look at Sumo eating, but he was hungry and cranky without his coffee. He poured some into a mug and took a sip, letting the caffeine fill his senses. He threw some bread slices in the toaster and let them roast, getting a chair out and sitting down.

Hank had been munching on his toast for some time when he heard the commotion in the living room; sheets being torn off, then a pause. Shifting around, but it wasn’t calm as Connor was. It was chaotic, like Connor wasn’t used to his surroundings, like he didn’t know where to go next. Hank then heard footsteps, rushing feet and clinks and bumps. A ragged breathing sounded off and next thing he knew Hank was on his feet preparing to run to Connor when the android entered the kitchen area.

Connor looked disoriented; he was leaning on the wall with a hand, chocolate eyes darting around the house like trying to piece where everything went. His LED was a solid red, blinking like Connor was under a lot of stress, even though there was no reason whatsoever for it. His shirt was half-up, skewed around as if he had tossed and turned. His brown hair was messy, straying from his place over to his eyes.

It made Hank’s blood run cold seeing him like this. Connor always seemed confident and in control, always taking care of things himself, never in need of assistance.

‘Connor,’ Hank said softly, pitifully because the android appeared to be miserable.

Connor finally met the lieutenant’s eyes and Hank was shaken to his core by the fear pouring from them. His features remained locked in an expression of deep confusion.

‘Connor,’ Hank said again to reassure the android. ‘Kid, are you okay?’

Connor blinked a few times and opened his mouth, but he couldn’t speak. His voice box was functional, scans had said so, but no sound came out. He wanted to ask the man in front _where was he? What was happening?_

‘Talk to me. What’s happening?’

_I could ask you the same thing._

Hank had already moved next to Connor, looking to support his weight but Connor flinched away as big arms opened to take him in. He stumbled against the wall but caught himself facing the man in front of him.

‘I-‘ he abruptly stopped, trying to gather his thoughts. He might as well just start with the beginning. ‘I don’t remember your name.’

Connor watched as the man’s face fell and realization dawned upon him. Connor frowned. He hadn’t meant to upset him, but it wasn’t like he could just go about the day without knowing.

Connor _knew_ the man was important. He remembered working with him in flashes, memories flowing along the river of his mind, passing him as he stood motionless and watched. They had been assigned as partners in 2038, just a few months after his activation. He knew they must have been friends now, but he had hated Connor in the beginning. Things like ‘fuckin’ android’ and ‘get outta here’ in his voice were said at one point, but that felt like a million years ago.

He was a deviant now. Right? There was no CyberLife anymore. It had fallen. The Revolution.

‘What? Connor, are you fuckin’ with me? ‘Cause if you are, it’s not funny, son.’

_Son._ A word so simple, yet it held so much power.

‘I cannot remember your name, lieutenant,’ Connor finally said and it felt like he was admitting defeat.

His partner just stared at him, mouth slightly agape and stepped back as if Connor’s words had burned him. ‘Are you serious right now?’

The android just stared back, not knowing how to further assure the lieutenant that he wasn’t joking.

Hank gave in and, seeing Connor’s confusion, remembered the little things Connor had forgotten since staying with him: his terminal password, that one drug-related case, letting Sumo out last week, North’s name in a conversation about Jericho… so many things Hank just overlooked because he trusted Connor, and Connor said they were just ‘errors’.

Obviously it was something bigger.

‘Okay,’ Hank breathed out over the mess in his head. ‘Okay. My name is Hank Anderson.’

Yes, that was it _. Hank Anderson._ Connor went through the name, analyzing every letter and he knew he shouldn’t forget that ever again. Hank was his friend, his partner. He knew that.

Now that he was feeling calmer, he leaned back from the wall and stood up straight, willing the panic in his limbs to go away. He managed not to sway as he relaxed, face to face with Hank.

Hank’s blue eyes were glassy, but he was still looking at Connor.

‘I’m sorry for that, Hank, it was just—‘

‘Just an error, huh? Don’t fucking lie to me, Connor. There have been too many errors lately, don’t you think?’ Hank’s voice was laced with anger but he was doing his best to keep calm for Connor’s sake.

Connor gulped and let his head fall. ‘I believe I may have a problem, lieutenant.’

‘You don’t say?’

The android lifted his head a bit, sheepishly looking through the strands of his hair.

‘T-this is your house, right?’

Hank’s eyes widened but he still answered Connor’s question. He was genuinely confused about everything and his LED was still running a crimson red.

‘Yeah, it’s my house.’ Hank turned and ran his hands through his hair. He didn’t know how to go about this. What do you say to your scared, amnesiac android to determine what to do next?

‘Do you remember how long you’ve been living with me?’

Connor’s brows furrowed and his thoughts ran a deep red. Hank had taken him in after The Revolution, that much he knew. Now, how much time ago had the revolution been?

‘Connor, answer the question.’ Hank’s voice was firm now and Connor got the idea that the lieutenant was just asking the questions to determine his next move.

‘I’ve been staying with you since the revolution ended,’ Connor finally answered, praying in his mind that Hank would take the vague answer and they could enjoy their free day.

Of course, Hank wasn’t about to let Connor scot-free. He wouldn’t ignore what was right in front of him, not again.

‘And when did the revolution end?’ he said, crossing his arms at his chest.

Dates and times flew into Connor’s sight and he almost reached out to catch them, but they were moving too fast for him to even decipher them. Too many things were happening at once and Connor lost his train of thought. He looked up to see Hank’s icy glare staring daggers at him. He couldn’t hide anymore.

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember.’

Hank swore so loudly that Sumo raised his head from where he was laying and barked in response. Meanwhile, the lieutenant rushed to his bedroom and Connor could hear him rummaging through his closet while still mumbling.

‘Connor!’

‘Yes?’

‘Go get dressed.’ Hank was determined and he exited the room wearing a grey shirt that had little holes in places. It was the first shirt he had put his hands on, but he could care less right now. He clapped his hands to make Connor go faster. ‘Now, kid!’

The android chose not to question Hank and went back to the living room to change into his uniform. Hank no longer let him sleep in his CyberLife issued clothes because ‘they’re dirty, Connor’ and ‘they look uncomfortable, take these sweats for fuck’s sake’.

Connor walked through the room, careful not to step on any of the objects that littered the floor (including a picture of him and Hank that he had accidentally knocked over in his frenzy to discover where he was). His clothes were sitting on the window sill, carefully folded, where he always put them before he entered standby mode.

For a second, Connor let himself just watch the snow falling from the sky calmly. He usually didn’t enjoy snow or cold because it made him think of the lady with the roses (unfortunately, he hadn’t forgotten her name, he just refused to say it or give her any thought) and of cold nights in the city, wind blowing against his cheeks.

A borf from Sumo and a ‘down, boy!’ from Hank snapped him out of his pondering, so Connor draped his jacket over his white dress shirt. He was dusting off the shoulders when Hank peeked his head through the door.

‘Let’s go. C’mon, hurry!’

Connor scrambled to the door and ducked under Hank’s arm to exit, but Hank pat his shoulder awkwardly. ‘Everything is going to be okay, you’ll see.’

The android only glanced slightly at him, but he looked torn. ‘I don’t think there’s any need for this, lieutenant.’

Hank, eyes wide and brows raised, gave an incredulous ‘What?’

‘I—‘

‘Connor, you said it yourself, you have a problem!’ Hank shouted in Connor’s face. He couldn’t believe Hank had just addressed him with such hostility.

‘A problem that I can fix!’ At this point, Connor was just denying the obvious. ‘It could be from that fight yesterday, he was aiming for my CPU and he hit it multiple times!’

‘It’s from that fight, my ass! You’re lying straight to my face and you know it!’ Hank threw his hands around. He was livid. It was as if he was fighting with a toddler. ‘If you could have fixed these memory issues you would have, but it’s been some time, Connor, and you’ve been having them more and more frequently, so don’t tell me there no need for this.’

‘Don’t pretend to know my software better than I do!’ In a weird way, Connor still felt the need to defend CyberLife and their creations, even though they no longer had control over him. His software was good, it was advanced, it could fix this—

‘BULLSHIT! You don’t know what’s happening either! I see it in your eyes every time you ask something you should know!’

That seemed to struck a nerve and Connor was left gaping at Hank in an uncomfortable silence as he tried to come up with a different argument, but he couldn’t even remember how many times he had forgotten something.

Hank sighed deeply to try and dissipate his anger. He waved a hand in Connor’s face. ‘Just go wait in the car.’

‘But—‘

‘Wait in the car, Connor.’

The android made no motion and just stood as if his feet were glued to the floor.

Hank tried and failed to appear calmer, but this was starting to piss him off again and he didn’t have the energy for another shouting match. ‘That’s an order.’

Those words hit Connor hard. His face crumbled and he wanted to apologize, but he ultimately chose to leave and wait in the car as instructed. He made sure to give Hank a piece of his mind by opening the door loudly and slamming it against the frame so hard he was sure he must have cracked a wall.

Hank took his phone out of his pocket and dialed Markus. He was lucky the android practically had a phone in his brain as he would surely answer. When he did, Hank wasted no time (‘not even a good morning?’) and explained everything Connor was going through as fast as he could.

Xxx

_Present time_

    Since the revolution, Jericho had relocated at Stratford tower, on the President’s orders. It seemed like she was trying to win their sympathy, like that would make them forget the hundreds lost in the old Jericho boat, but Markus knew better than that. He believed in people and that they still had some good in them, but he understood when he was being used.

Stratford tower was the building they used for extreme cases, like powerful viruses they needed quarantined, dangerous surgeries. The place had most of the things they needed for more advanced things and it had a lot of storage, but no one actually lived in there.

Hank’s car stopped in front of the gate, but there were no actual guards, so it just lowered immediately. Connor remembered going on this road some time ago, in the time of the revolution. He had done something important. He had helped the revolution immensely. Amanda had been disappointed and she had stared Connor down, a deep frowned imbedded in her hard features.

Connor felt the engine of the car die down and he looked to the front as Hank took the key out of the ignition.

‘We’re here,’ he said and threw Connor a small smile.

Hank exited first then Connor followed. He wasn’t prepared for the cold of the morning and a breeze of cold air shoved snowflakes in his face, making him squint.

Markus was waiting for them inside the tower, which looked a bit weird since most of the lights were off and there was no natural light coming in. Connor could see his silhouette, but couldn’t exactly make him out.

‘Markus,’ Hank nodded at him in regards, but it felt rushed.

Markus came closer and now Connor could see his two different colored eyes that made him so unforgettable.

That and the android revolution he lead fearlessly.

‘Welcome to the Stratford tower,’ Markus said instead of hello and gestured for them to follow him through the darkness. His long coat flopped around as he moved, so it wasn’t exactly hard for Hank to know where he was.

Suddenly, a voice echoed through the hallway. ‘RK200 model identified.’

Connor just followed Markus further and the scanner lady spoke again. ‘RK800 model identified.’

‘Hey!’ Hank exclaimed, but Markus just rolled his eyes.

‘It’s just a scanner. We didn’t have time to remove it and it isn’t harming us, so…’

‘Unknown human identified.’

‘Let’s just hurry this up,’ Hank grumbled.

Xxx

    ‘We have some technicians ready to do a scan of your inner workings, like your CPU, thirium regulator and so on,’ Markus said to fill the silence of the elevator.

Connor quirked an eyebrow to him. ‘Wouldn’t it be easier to just connect?’ he said and removed the synthetic skin from his hand, almost daring to Markus to do it.

He shook his head. ‘It could be some new form of virus. We’re not risking it. You’ll just have to wait for the scan to complete.’

Hank was eerily silent in the back, watching the elevator numbers just go up. He couldn’t help but be anxious; it was like going to the hospital for some to get some bad news.

‘So… how’s this work?’ Markus turned his head and half-smiled.

‘It’s like a MRI for humans.’

That only did little to asses Hank’s anxieties about the whole procedure. He could only imagine Connor sitting in that big rotating thing as the minutes poured, wondering about his origins and contemplating things he had forgotten.

Xxx

    The doctors forced Connor into a medical gown because ‘this is the Stratford tower. You have no idea what could be in here’. They were all androids and Hank knew he could trust them with Connor. They knew what they were doing.

‘They’re not even going to have to work on him,’ Markus had said after Hank told him what was on his mind. They had already taken Connor and put him in a room. The three circled around the android, connecting a few cables into some ports he didn’t even know Connor had. Fortunately for them, Connor seemed to be cooperating so far.

‘The machine is first going to scan his whole system, then isolate the problem and try to solve it,’ Markus said without looking at the lieutenant.

Hank knew they were ready for some answers.

The machine Connor would be placed in stood vertically, so he would have to stand while the scan worked. It had two automatic doors that shut and opened at the press of a button.

‘Don’t worry. The doctors know what they’re doing,’ Markus said, placing a comforting hand on Hank’s folded frame. He studied the room through the clear window as the doctors finally placed Connor into the machine. He was looking around, eyes probably searching for Hank’s calming gaze. The lieutenant waved in hope Connor would notice the motion, but he just kept skipping over him.

‘Is this a one-way mirror?’

Markus waved more animatedly, but not even the doctors reacted. ‘Seems that way.’

Hank huffed and kept his eyes trained on Connor who now seemed weirdly calm. His brown eyes were glazed over, no longer glancing around. He was motionless inside the thing, looking through Hank without even knowing it.

‘Is he under or some shit?’

Markus shrugged. ‘In a way. He’s in some form of stasis but not for long.’

The doors shut and the scan made its way through Connor’s biocomponents.

Xxx

** >RK800_SCAN_SEQUENCE**

**> >EXTERNAL SOFTWARE DETECTED!**

**> >>NOW RUNNING FILE STFR_SCAN…**

**> >SCANNING THIRIUM PUMP…**

**> >THIRIUM PUMP 100% FUNCTIONAL**

**> >SCANNING THIRIUM PUMP REGULATOR…**

**> >THIRIUM PUMP REGULATOR 100% FUNCTIONAL**

**> >SCANNING CIRCULATING THIRIUM…**

**> >CIRCULATING THIRIUM 100% PURE**

**> >SCANNING OPTICAL UNITS…**

**> >OPTICAL UNITS 99% FUNCTIONAL**

**> >SCANNING AUDIO SENSORS…**

**> >AUDIO SENSORS 100% FUNCTIONAL**

**> >SCANNING MEMORY BANKS…**

**> >>CORRUPTION DETECTED!!**

**> >>CORRUPTION DETECTED!!**

**> >ATTEMPTING TO RESOLVE THE ISSUE…**

**> >>WARNING!! MEMORY BANKS FULL!!**

**> >WARNING!! (1) ISSUE COULD NOT BE FIXED!!**

**> >WARNING!! OVERHEATING!**

**> RK800_REBOOT_SEQUENCE…**

**> REBOOT COMMENCING…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is always appreciated. thank you for reading <3


	3. In Other News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank and Connor finally find out what's happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i'm back! warning: i wrote this chapter while i was very tired so please forgive any mistakes.  
> thank you all for the support and kudos on this fic! it's really overwhelming to see. be sure to leave feedback, i live on it  
> also, my tumblr is @wisetalemaker, come and scream with me about dbh

    ‘What the hell?’ Hank jumped from the chair he was sitting in as an alarm flashed around the room. A female android holding a notepad glanced up to see the cause of the noise, then gasped and motioned to the other doctor while shouting orders. One of the androids, the one that looked like the assistant, rushed to the machine Connor was in and read the information pouring on the side panel that was also glowing a menacing red. The assistant yelled something back to the doctor and she scribbled it in her notebook aggressively in her own handwriting, not the CyberLife sans. The second doctor had left the room earlier but returned upon hearing the alarm. He walked up to the female doctor, but she didn’t even look up at him as she spoke. For a second, he seemed to argue back, but she shouted a short word that Hank believed was a ‘GO!’ and he took off sprinting. The heavy door lifted and fell back almost immediately as the crazed android reached Hank and Markus.

Markus leapt to his feet. ‘George, what’s happening?’ He was trying to look composed but Hank could tell by the way he fidgeted that he was just as anxious as him. George stood but peeked at the androids trying to save Connor, then he finally answered. ‘There’s a problem,’ he said, as if Hank couldn’t see, ‘but the machine found the issue.’

So it was kind of like a ‘bad news, good news’ situation.

‘What is it?’ Hank asked. His voice was gruff, the panic hidden under a thick layer of curiosity.

George sucked in a breath. ‘It’s his memory banks. Something’s not right in there.’

‘What? What’s wrong?’ Hank came in closer, almost shouting in George’s face, but the android took a step back raising his hands as if surrendering.

‘We don’t know yet, sir! The machine detected the problem, but I don’t know what happened. I wasn’t in the room.’

‘It couldn’t solve the issue,’ Markus mumbled, eyes looking in the distance like a different scene was playing in front of him.

George had booked it back into the room to ask the female doctor for further instructions by the time Hank looked back at Markus, hoping what he had heard wasn’t true.

‘Markus, what do you mean it couldn’t solve the issue?’

Markus bit his lip. He couldn’t explain it and he didn’t want to further alarm the lieutenant. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know?’ Hank yelled and he gestured to the room where the doctors fumbled around. ‘You said it would work, Markus! I fucking trusted you and your android bullshit!’

‘I’m not a doctor!’ he snapped back. ‘I just wanted to help!’

Hank snorted. ‘Yeah, well—‘

He didn’t get to finish his insult because the door from the room suddenly opened and Hank’s words died on his tongue. The female doctor stuck her head out a bit and called for Markus.

‘Get in here!’

Markus swore under his breath and took off towards the door while screaming for Hank to _stay behind. Seriously, Hank, stay where you are!_

Hank’s legs were itching to just run after Markus, push away the other androids and just open that… thing with his bare hands, grab Connor and just run home. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this. Maybe he should have trusted Connor and his stupid self-repair program.

He turned, only to see the female doctor pressing a button on the side of the machine repeatedly, probably trying to open the machine to get Connor out of there. She looked desperate: hair was running her face and sweat lined her brow and sparkled in the awkward lightning. Hank pressed his face to the glass to see the inside better and there was Markus, running in. Hank couldn’t read lips, but he knew the android was asking what to do, hands in the air.

Hank turned his eyes to Connor and it would be his biggest mistake that day.

Connor’s skin looked deathly pale, even though he knew androids like Connor couldn’t radically change their appearance like that. His eyes were still closed but his eyebrows were in a deep frown and he would occasionally grimace, like he was having a bad dream.

Besides that, he looked like he was dead.

Hank realized with horror that the machine looked a bit too much like a coffin. He blinked and he could swear he had seen Cole, lying with his arms crossed. Hank stumbled across the hallway, hands sliding off the glass. He almost fell but caught himself and reached for the metal door. He pushed and made his way inside.

Markus was trying to pry the doors to the machine open with his bare hands, but it was obvious not even android force could get them open. He noticed Hank coming in, breathing labored and movements sluggish, like he was tired. Markus called out to him but it barely registered. It came in static-y, as if he were underwater. Hank’s eyes stung with tears and the alarm was still blaring relentlessly in his ears, but he had grown accustomed to it by now. All that mattered was Connor.

‘Out of the fucking way!’ he barked at the doctor and pushed her away with his hand. He rammed into the next android with his shoulder but didn’t acknowledge it as he finally stood in front of Connor.

From behind him he heard a girl’s voice. ‘Mr. Anderson, I detect an elevated heart rate, difficulty breathing and increased perspiration, which are all the signs of—‘

‘Fuck off,’ Hank grumbled, managing to cut her off. He knew what he was experiencing.

‘But—‘

‘Ophelia, just drop it,’ Hank heard Markus’ voice clearly this time. He looked to his right and he saw the android studying him, almost judging him.

Hank had no idea how the machine worked (or rather didn’t work) and he felt like he was on a time limit. He pounded a fist on the glass and he heard a gasp from behind him. He pounded his other fist and he heard a crack (he wasn’t sure if it was from his hand or the glass). Before anyone could stop him, Hank started hitting the machine with all his force. No damage was showing on the surface, but his knuckles were bleeding and they left red marks on the glasses. He heard shouts behind him but he couldn’t care less about what they were saying, he had to get Connor out of there.

‘Hank! Stop!’ Markus jumped on one of his hands and tried to restrain him, but Hank kept struggling under his weight. Markus grunted and called for the others. ‘Someone put him under!’

Hank didn’t notice when a needle made its way in the back of his neck. Markus and George somehow tried to keep him still while he was trashing around, smearing blood over their faces and screaming bloody murder.

Steadily, his movements turned into simple waves and his mind was slow, forgetting what he was doing again and again. The blood on his hands looked weird but he didn’t pay it mind. He’d clean it up later.

Hank only saw Connor’s unmoving face grimacing again before falling into an artificial sleep.

Xxx

Hank dreamed of nothing until he woke up. That was when the nightmare started.

First thing he registered was that the offending alarm had been stopped and that there was no one around him.

He was in one of the chairs in the so-called waiting room. His head felt heavy and his eyelids still threatened to close when he laid back, but he knew he couldn’t sleep. He was here for a reason.

Connor.

He was having trouble.

Hank felt his drowsiness wash away as he stood up too quickly. He swayed and reached a hand to lean on the wall, letting out a soft huff. His hands had been wrapped in gauze, but it had leaked through it. He couldn’t quite move his fingers, but it would do for now.

The lieutenant took a deep breath and ran a wobbly hand over his face to refresh himself from the sleep. He didn’t know where exactly to go and he couldn’t just up and leave. He couldn’t scream in the tower for Markus, either…

Like he had been called, the android appeared behind Hank. ‘Lieutenant Anderson.’

‘Fuck, Markus… You didn’t need to knock me out like this,’ he said with a raspy voice. He coughed to clear it but it didn’t do much. ‘Uh… How long have I been out?’

‘Thirty-five minutes and seventeen seconds,’ Markus said in a mocking tone.

Hank frowned. ‘That’s… not too much.’

‘That sedative was the only thing we had on hand.’ Markus shrugged. ‘You were having a panic attack and trying to damage the machine.’

‘No shit.’

They both stopped, and Hank knew it was time to address the elephant in the room. He gulped, but his throat was dry and it just made him feel worse. Expectancy killed him slowly while he waited for Markus to say something first.

‘Connor?’ Hank finally asked.

Markus fidgeted yet again. ‘Can you walk?’

Hank knew he was avoiding the Connor subject and he was dying to know what was happening, so he just nodded and went along Markus.

The Stratford tower used to be the most technologically advanced building in the country, but now, walking down the halls that held so many bad memories for others Hank couldn’t help but feel disgusted at the thought. So many androids had been made here for only one purpose. They had been expected to obey. Do as they were told. Connor used to obey CyberLife.

‘Markus, come on. Tell me.’

Markus released the breath he had been holding, but otherwise his face didn’t betray any emotion. ‘He’s okay.’

Hank grimaced. ‘Okay? I don’t know how much I’ve missed while out but that,’ he pointed back to the way they came from, ‘didn’t look okay.’

The android just continued to walk, and said nothing.

Hank breathed out. ‘C’mon, Markus. Whatever it is, I’m gonna find out eventually.’

Markus gave him a miserable half-smile that was probably meant to be reassuring. ‘I’ll let Ophelia tell you. She’s probably better at it than me.’

Hank shut up and concentrated on walking straight. If Markus didn’t want to tell him about Connor’s state then it probably was something bad, right? Maybe that machine had fucked up his interiors or fried his brain or whatever.

Or maybe the fuckers were just pranking him and Connor was perfectly fine, waiting in the lobby for Hank and snickering alone.

Markus’ expression was enough to debunk that theory and Hank went back to speculating. While he limped silently, part of him was dying to just punch Markus in his perfect robot face and ask nicely what was going on? Where were they going?

Right around the corner the place was decorated with weird paintings and a lonely door stood in the back. This one corridor had a big window on the right and Hank could see the snow still falling in the noon.

‘Ophelia’s still testing his systems to assure nothing was damaged. You wait here, I’ll go see if she’s almost done,’ Markus said a bit too fast and left Hank to sit down while he opened the door gently and stepped inside.

Hank only heard whispers from their conversation but he couldn’t be bothered to actually try to understand. He was way too tired from the early encounter and the sedative. To be honest, he didn’t quite know what to expect with Connor. He was an android, it wasn’t like they just got sick like humans.

Markus carefully stepped out of the room, closing the door quietly, like he was trying not to disturb someone. He walked over to Hank who held his head in his hands, peering through the fingers.

‘She won’t be long,’ Markus said and sat down next to Hank. He was silent for some time, just looking ahead.

Hank couldn’t take it anymore. ‘Please cut the bullshit, Markus, and just FUCKING TELL ME—‘

The door opened again and a young woman, the doctor that had been taking care of the scanning machine came out she let the door close itself. It slowly winded back and Hank was able to take a peek at Connor. He was still in the hospital gown.

‘Hello! My name is Ophelia and I’m the doctor that’s taking care of Connor.’ She smiled seductively and reached out a hand for Hank, who sat up. He took it as fast as his hands allowed it and shook it once. ‘Hank Anderson,’ he answered.

‘So, can you tell me what happened in that machine?’

Ophelia pursed her lips. ‘The machine did its job… partly.’ She paused. ‘It managed to find the problem, report it to me, but it couldn’t solve it. That only happens if the damage is too deep to be repaired by a machine, which means it must be repaired manually.’

Hank sucked in a breath, but let her finish.

She played with the tips of her hair. ‘But, weirdly, I didn’t find anything to be _damaged,_ per say. Not physically.’

‘Mentally?’ Hank tried.

‘More like a software malfunction,’ she said. Ophelia sucked in a breath. ‘His memory banks are heavily corrupted, but not damaged.’

‘So that’s why he’s having memory problems,’ Hank mumbled, more to himself. He lifted his eyes to her. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Well, the memory banks is the biocomponent in which the androids’ registered memories are stored, as you’ve probably already deduced from the name. From there, they can be replayed or discarded if you don’t want them.’

‘Where are you going with this?’ he questioned.

She didn’t stop to answer. ‘The RK800 is a very, very new and advanced model. His processors are marvelous and his code is very complex. Even so, it seems like his memory banks and other vital biocomponents are already being impaired with use.’

Hank just listened attentively. This time, Ophelia didn’t speak but Markus did.

‘He wasn’t meant to last this long.’

Hank felt his heart stop in his chest.

Markus spoke again. ‘He’s a prototype. He was made for a mission and a mission only; they didn’t actually expect him to live.’

Ophelia took out her notepad. ‘The other problems are smaller and don’t require immediate attention. The memory banks, however, are full.’

The lieutenant felt his jaw drop. ‘What do you mean, ‘full’?’

‘Exactly what I said. They’re full and his system compensates as it can: deleting whatever memories it can get its hands on first,’ she said and scribbled something down.

‘Let me explain; so, he has all these memories, right? They can’t fit in there, so he has to throw some out to make space for new ones. As you said, the cleaning process has already started and it’s making him forget basic things about himself.’ She pointed up. ‘That’s the process. Usually, in a few days he should be new. Factory reset.’

Hank shuddered at the thought of _Connor, the android sent by CyberLife_ after all the progress he had made. Connor had been fighting against his programming for a long time and it would just be unfair to lose it all now, when he was finally alive, allowed to enjoy his life.

Ophelia winked. ‘Not to worry, there’s a catch. The process won’t completely work. Connor’s still backing himself up to CyberLife, daily updates. He has his own private server that he uses, so his memories aren’t lost. I hooked him up to it, so he won’t lose everything, but since the cleanup process is still looping on in his head, he won’t just be able to download any memories until everything else is deleted.’

She finally breathed out, not like she needed it. ‘Basically, we have no idea what his system is deleting, or what’s getting downloaded into his memory banks. He might wake up with different memories everyday.’

By now, Hank’s ears were ringing with the information and his head hurt. What he understood was that Connor might forget everything he knew now, but might also wake up with intact memories, or a jumbled mess of memories he couldn’t even make sense of.

Ophelia smiled again, but this time it looked like she was actually trying to reassure him. ‘Lieutenant, are you familiar with dissociative amnesia?’

Hank bit his lip and nodded his head yes. One of his ex-coworkers had been discharged because of it. He had been one of Hank’s closest friends, so he did all he could to help him out. Eyebrows raised, he was trying to act like the whole ordeal wasn’t eating up at him.

‘It’s kind of like that, minus the trauma. Days are different. Somedays he’ll feel better, someday worse.’

Hank fake coughed. ‘Treatment? Fuck— anything? He can’t just…’ he pinched his nose, trying to keep his calm. ‘… He can’t just forget everything.’

‘We’re working on it,’ Markus said from besides him. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and Hank struggled not to shrug it off. No, he would need all the support he could get.

He looked back at Ophelia. ‘Is there no way to help him?’

She shook her head. ‘None that could improve his condition.’

‘Can I at least take him home then?’ he spat between his teeth.

Ophelia gave him a pitiful smile. ‘Of course, lieutenant. I must warn you, though; the he hasn’t fully recovered from the form of stasis we put him. It works kind of like anesthesia.’ She giggled. ‘It was supposed to keep him under for the time when the machine was working, but that was interrupted so it’s still in his system.’

Hank sighed heavily. How much longer was this going to go on? ‘What does this mean?’

For a person who had just delivered heartbreaking news, she certainly smiled a lot. ‘He’s… a bit out of it.’

Xxx

Connor just stood on the table with his head hung down; he had no energy to try and keep it up. The nice lady that had been taking care of him spoke in short sentences, things he could easily understand. He remembered being put in the machine. They had supposed it could make him better, but it obviously didn't. He was now worse than he had been coming here, tired and dizzy with thoughts swirling around in his brain. The cold metal that touched his legs irritated him and he tried scratching at it, but nothing happened. Nothing could happen, it was metal. It was solid. What was he thinking?

Xxx

'God, Connor...'

Hank entered the room, followed by Markus who had stayed silent the whole time Ophelia had word-vomited medical terms. Now that he got a better look at Connor, he was feeling pity too. The kid had his back hunched on a metal examination table poorly covered with a cloth. His hair was covering his face, but he stood up a bit straighter when he heard his name. His hands lay limply around him and his feet dangled over the edge.

He looked high as a kite.

Hank didn't need this. He really was too old for this.

He went up close, next to the android and said, 'Connor?'

Connor raised his head to the source of the sounds and could distinguish through a blur long, silver hair and blue eyes. His LED circled yellow, but his eyes were unfocused, brown irises looking dazed.

'Hank?'

'Yeah, kid, it's me. How are you doing?'

It took Connor a full five seconds to register the question then formulate an answer. 'Not too good...' he said, his words slurring a bit. A wave of dizziness suddenly hit him, made the code in front of his eyes swim and Connor groaned. He let his head fall on Hank's shoulder. He knew he might regret it later, but right now he could care less.

He felt his systems shutting down one by one and he was ready to enter standby mode when Hank shook him awake.

'Okay. Get up, we're going home.'


	4. Short-Time Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically all fluff/comfort, for you to enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i'm so bad at updating, i'm sorry! from now on updates might come slower because high school has started and i'm a freshman. i'm trying to accomodate, but i'm just tired all the time.  
> i'm sorry this one's so short, i was kind of rushing. enjoy <3

  Hank had endured many things in his life; he had gone through a divorce, he had been injured in the line of duty (heavy things, not like a bruise on his arm), he had lost his son and his dignity, he had been drowning his sorrows in alcohol until very recently, but never in his life Hank knew he’d be taking care of a ‘drugged’ android (‘He’s just dazed, Hank’).

He had gotten up and waited for Connor to follow him, but he just stood and watched him with glazed eyes.

‘You coming?’ he had asked.

Connor had completely ignored his question and just looked around, skin on his hands flickering like he couldn’t focus longer enough to keep it on.

‘I think he’s going to need some help, lieutenant,’ Ophelia had commented.

She went over and slid a hand under Connor’s shoulder, lifting him up weakly. He almost slumped over her and lost his footing.

‘Help me out,’ she grunted and Hank was next to Connor’s side in a second. Connor’s brow was furrowed and he seemed confused, which seemed to be the predominant emotion these days.

‘Hank?’ he asked, as if he was dreaming.

‘Yeah kid, it’s me. We have to go. Can you walk?’

The android ignored Hank’s question. ‘ ‘m cold.’

_Shit,_ Hank thought. Connor was still in his weird hospital gown and there was no way he could dress himself. Hell, he could barely stand.

He sighed. ‘Okay. Ophelia, help me dress him.’ He looked around, but Ophelia seemed to guess his thoughts.

She snorted and held back a laugh. ‘Okay, wait here.’

Ophelia carefully dropped Connor’s hand and left him holding on to Hank, then she scurried out the room. Connor almost fell again and Hank tightened his grip on his waist, but Markus came to his aid immediately, supporting Connor almost single-handedly.

_She better be getting him some clothes._

‘Hank?’ Connor’s voice sounded out, raspy and a little weird-sounding. He turned his head to face Hank, but his hair was disheveled, getting in his eyes and Hank brushed it away. He hummed after Connor said nothing to get him to continue.

‘…Where ‘re we?’ he slurred, struggling to get the words out. Connor’s mind was foggy and it took him longer to analyze his surroundings. His code was jumbled; he didn’t like it, but he was too tired and confused to complain about it. His infallible mobility that usually made him very efficient was now failing him as he couldn’t even walk, his speech protocol was impaired, his scans came back inconclusive and every single one recommended he entered standby mode.

He knew he had to stay awake.

Hank’s words flew around his ears, sometimes closer and sometimes farther away. He just wanted to lean into them, to be able to finally sleep.

‘We’re at the doctor’s,’ Hank answered, glancing over to Markus.

Connor frowned. At the doctor’s?

‘ ‘re you s’ck, lieutenant?’ he asked, he genuinely asked and actually expected a straight answer.

Hank snorted. He almost wanted to make fun of Connor, but his heart was squirming at the sight of the broken android, almost crying because the closest thing he had to a family might be sick.

‘I’m not the sick one,’ he sincerely said and expected Connor to have a fucking meltdown, but the android just pushed out a ‘huh’. It was probably too much for his dazed mind to try to understand if it wasn’t a direct answer.

_Come on…_

‘ ‘d you say s’methin’?’ Connor asked suddenly, looking at Markus with newfound interest.

Markus raised his eyebrows involuntary. ‘What? No.’

Did android anesthesia give Connor auditory hallucinations or something?

The door opened and Ophelia slid inside, carrying some folded clothes. She was still wearing her reassuring smile.

She was way too happy for someone who had just announced their patient they were seriously sick. Hank knew CyberLife had been trying to perfect doctor androids when the revolution happened. He had seen it on the news and promptly switched over to another channel just some days before Connor came along.

Obviously Ophelia was one of the unfinished prototypes, but wow. She really seemed to lack empathy.

Hank pushed Connor back to the table and winced when Connor jumped at the cold touch of the metal. At least he sat down and didn’t slump back.

The clothes Ophelia had brought back were the ones he had come in: his CyberLife uniform. She unfolded them quietly and instructed Connor on what to do so she’d be able to dress him with Markus’ help as Hank watched on the sidelines.

Connor did whatever he was told, albeit a little late. He was pausing for seconds and Hank could swear he actually heard his processor work when trying to move.

Watching Connor executing orders like a machine made him think. So if this was anything like actual dissociative amnesia that meant he’d forget anything or everything about himself or his life on a daily basis, but not forever. They were still there, apparently, but he also had no control over them— androids were too complicated for Hank. He honestly didn’t want this.

Would that mean a reset straight from CyberLife? Connor wasn’t deviant then. If his memory loss got so bad and ‘the android sent by CyberLife’ came back could Hank bring back the real Connor? Was it able for him to deviate that fast? Everyday? Would Hank have to hold Connor back from hunting his own kind again?

His anxiety had crawled in his throat and Hank swallowed it back. He couldn’t let himself be overcome by emotions, not at a time like this when Connor needed him.

He didn’t want to get to a point where an android could be almost considered his son, but there was no backing out now.

Hank wouldn’t lose another son to the cruel world.

Xxx

Turns out, carrying an almost-limp android the whole way home wasn’t easier than he thought. Connor would stumble at every step, he’d stop at every shiny thing to watch it with utmost interest until Hank had to drag him away by force.

He was past the sleepy state at this point. Right now he was at the ‘overly-amused’ state. Absolutely everything would send him in a laughing fit, but Hank was very close to snapping.

When Connor began tearing up from laughing at the doll Hank had on his dashboard, Hank finally couldn’t take it anymore. ‘Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Connor, do you have an off switch?’

That finally shut the android up. Hank was thankful for some peace and quiet, trying to resume his prior thought.

It was now a little after 3 p.m and thankfully this was their day off. Snow caved along the path of the car as he drove, but it was still snowing so it wouldn’t be long before another layer covered the ground.

Before this morning, Hank had planned to watch TV all day, huddled up with Sumo and Connor next to him commenting at everything that came on the screen like he felt the need to correct it. Now, though, it was obvious that wouldn’t be possible. God, how he missed the simpler days…

A soft sniffle pulled him out of his thoughts and he spared a glance to Connor while still watching the road.

The android was leaning his head on the window, melting in his seat and Hank would’ve thought he was sleeping if tears weren’t running down his cheeks freely. He looked like a kid whose candy had been stolen and Hank almost hit his head on the steering wheel because god, he had been a tad too mean and Connor probably couldn’t deal with it. His emotions were kind of going hardwire anyway.

‘Fuck, no, Connor, don’t— I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that—‘

Another sniffle. ‘I apologize for disrupting your driving, lieutenant,’ he said. It was like his nose was stuffy from weeping and it made his voice sounds weird.

Hank almost choked on his saliva because of how much Connor had sounded like Cole for a second there.

‘No, look, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry I snapped, you’re not exactly in control right now.’

Connor didn’t reply after that, with the exception of the sniffles that came out without his approval. He didn’t want to talk anymore on the subject, so he just tried to focus his eyes on whatever came around his vision.

Things outside the window were moving too fast, blurring together after some time, so there was no way they could help his eyes. He tried to focus on Hank’s doll (almost made him laugh again), but it seemed to lead nowhere and he just ended up frustrated.

When they reached the house, Hank had to remind him to unfasten his seatbelt before exiting. Again, he had to carry Connor inside with the android still pouting. Hank just wanted to wipe it off his face.

Xxx

    Hank finally let Connor go and he flopped on the couch awkwardly, face down, half on the floor. Sumo had come sniffing, the curious dog he was. Hank almost signaled for him to go away when he jumped on the couch and on Connor’s back. The android grunted in the material, but Hank didn’t catch it.

He patted Connor’s shoulder. ‘Good night, kid.’

He turned to leave, but Connor finally spoke up since Hank had scolded him in the car.

‘It’s me,’ he mumbled, brown eyes half-lidded and looking at nothing in particular. It made Hank stop dead in his tracks.

‘What?’ he knelt back down next to Connor and ran a hand through his own hair, getting it out of his face. Connor looked like he was struggling with his words again, like they were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t get them out. Hank rubbed circles in Connor’s temple, the one without the LED, willing him to continue, but also to calm him down. Connor sighed a bit under the touch. Hank couldn’t see his light, but he was almost sure it was circling a dangerous red.

‘I’m the sick one.’ He looked up, into Hank’s blue eyes. They glowed with concern. ‘Right?’

Hank released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Was it right to be honest with Connor now, when he wasn’t completely aware or later?

_Later he might not remember,_ Hank reminded himself.

‘Yeah. Yeah, you’re sick.’

‘Oh.’ His brow furrowed, like he had been expecting Hank to argue with him about it. ‘Is it serious?’

‘Kind of serious, yeah.’ Hank was trying to sound calm and definitely not tight with worry about the android, but some slipped into his voice anyway. ‘But don’t worry, they’re working on something.’

‘Hm. Okay,’ Connor said. He didn't exactly seem convinced but his eyes finally slipped closed. His voice was softer now and he probably didn’t even realize what he said next. ‘I promise this will not affect the investigation, Lieutenant.’

‘What?’ Hank took his hand as if burned. ‘Connor? What mission?’

There was no answer coming from the android, though. He had fallen asleep (‘entered standby mode’) and it seemed deeper than usual, probably because of that weird anesthesia they gave him. Hank sat back and Connor’s words rolled around his brain. He tried making sense of them. Maybe he didn’t mean what Hank thought he meant. That very improbable, though. Connor almost never talked like that anymore, unless his stress was very high.

It was something a machine would say. Even though, deep down, Hank knew what that actually meant, he looked back to Connor and could only see the weird, goofy-looking android he had grown fond of, not some blood-lusting machine.

Hank finally stood up and walked to his own bedroom. He tried to fall asleep, tangled himself in sheets while listening for any sounds and thinking about what he should say in the morning to someone who would probably be waking up somewhere new.


	5. A Beating Heart of Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t look too different from the picture hung on the wall. His hair was still long and silvery, the strands now falling in his face as he leaned down. Blue eyes swam in crisis and Connor realized he was silent and it was scaring the Lieutenant.  
> He ignored the questions about his well-being and instead chose to inform Anderson about who he was, what he was doing here.  
> ‘My name is Connor,’ he started. ‘I’m the android sent by CyberLife.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am. so tired. also telltale shut down. oof.  
> thank you for all the kudos and comments <3 i really appreciate your opinions and i'm sorry for the angst (lol i'm not)  
> hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ Two weeks later _

**> RK800_STANDBYEXIT_SEQUENCE**

**> LOADING OS…**

**> LOADING HUMAN INTEGRATION PROTOCOL…**

**> LOADING MEMORY FILES…**

**> >WARNING!! MEMORY FILES MISSING!!**

**> ERROR ON START-UP**

**> >BYPASS ERROR?**

**> >ERROR BYPASSED**

**> COMMENCING START-UP…**

    The first thing he felt upon powering on ( _ w@KiNG UUUUuuup _ ?) was the soft material under his hand. He brushed it along, his mind sluggish from the process of being in standby mode for… some time. How long had he been in standby mode? He couldn’t recall.

Connor’s brow furrowed and he dug deeper into the measly code of his processes, looking for answers and searching for the memory files he knew he was missing.

_ ERROR ON STARTUP _

Why was he erroring? Had CyberLife made a mistake in his programming?

He found the folder for his memory files in his banks and he opened it, but it was empty, save for base information. He clicked around in his head.

_ Model: RK800 _

_ Serial Number: #313 – 248 – 317 – 51 _

_ Designated Name: ‘CONNOR’ _

_ Owned and Manufactured by: CyberLife _

_ CyB3@ERLiffffffeEE@@ _

_!!?? _

_ Purpose: Hunt and apprehend all deviant androids to be sent to CyberLife for software investigation and deactivation. _

_ Deviant……….. _

Connor, as that was his designated name apparently, opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a building, a human house, laying down perfectly straight on a couch.

How had he gotten here? This was obviously not CyberLife HQ. He checked his internal date and it showed it was currently 21 st of January 2039, 9:05 am. Had Connor been destroyed? Was he the new Connor? If so, how had he gotten hurt? Was he working with the DPD?

So many question circled around his central processing unit and it made every other command slow, as if they were being overworked by his errors.

When was the last time he had been operational? He fumbled around for an answer, but couldn’t find any in his system. He sighed and rose, choosing to think about this rationally.

Not like he could think any other way. He was a machine, after all. There was no other way of correctly existing. The words ‘ _ Purpose: Hunt and apprehend all deviant androids to be sent to CyberLife for software investigation and deactivation.’  _ danced in front of his eyes and yes, he knew his purpose, and he was going to accomplish his mission, but for the time being he had to figure out what was happening.

He glanced down to see the weirdest thing: he wasn’t wearing something official, but rather an offending pajama, buttoned up like a little kid’s. Not like he cared. He didn’t. He was just… bemused. Connor knew there was no way he’d have dressed himself in something like that, so then who…?

A photo hung on the wall on the right finally caught his eye. It was him (he thought. He hadn’t seen himself yet but in a disturbing way he knew that the android in the framed picture was him), hugging a huge dog (St. Bernard, his scans showed. ~6 years old when the picture was taken.). Its tongue was hanging out of its mouth and Connor had his hands buried in its fur, _ smiling. _

**_AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa_ **

He was smiling, a wide grin lightning up his face and he looked so different from now. He looked happy.

But maybe it was the old Connor model.

Next to him in the picture stood another man; his hair was silver, long and he was smirking devilishly, looking at the other two. He had an extended arm towards the camera, which meant he had taken the picture.

Connor’s software recognized him as  _ Anderson, Hank. Age: 53, Divorced. Occupation: Police Lieutenant. _ Connor was now even more confused than before. That picture obviously showed a more disinhibited version of him, one he did not recognize himself as. The Lieutenant was laughing with him and the dog, which was most probably not part of the investigation or the mission.

They almost looked… relaxed. Comfortable. It was nice to see, but it only helped raise more question marks in his software. Had he been deployed? Was the Lieutenant his partner?

After pondering for some time he ultimately decided it would be best if he got up, walked around a bit. See if anything cued any memories about his being or his state. Connor’s steps were loud on the floor because of the morning’s silence. He glanced around, analyzing everything his eyes lay upon. He found nothing of use, only background things about Hank Anderson that he filed away to study later. It would help him determine the Lieutenant’s behavior and the best approach towards working together.

Suddenly, his feet touched something soft. Connor noticed the fur only a second later. It registered in his mind as ‘St. Bernard hair’ and only then he realized it was the St. Bernard in the earlier picture. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, body rising and falling slowly. Connor tilted his head at him, but decided against petting him in favor of resuming his search. It wouldn’t be efficient to just pause now, would it?

He moved to step over the dog instead of going around him, but the dog didn’t like that. It was as if he already knew what Connor wanted to do and quickly woke up and rushed to its legs. The android lost his footing and almost stepped on the dog’s tail, avoiding it at the last moment. Unfortunately, that cost him his balance and the android tipped over, flailing his arms around uselessly. His body hit the floor and he let out a defeated  _ oof. _

Connor was planning on hanging out on the floor for a little longer but then he heard a mug thrown carelessly on a table. Heavy footsteps thumping in the house until they reached his eye level and Connor turned to lay on his back, studying the person hanging above him. The man was shouting his name while Connor scanned his face.

_ Lieutenant Hank Anderson. _

He didn’t look too different from the picture hung on the wall. His hair was still long and silvery, the strands now falling in his face as he leaned down. Blue eyes swam in crisis and Connor realized he was silent and it was scaring the Lieutenant.

He ignored the questions about his well-being and instead chose to inform Anderson about who he was, what he was doing here.

‘My name is Connor,’ he started. ‘I’m the android sent by CyberLife.’

He watched as Anderson’s face subtly fell, but he still extended a hand for Connor to take. Once he was back on his feet, he dusted off the pajama shirt and looked straight at the Lieutenant. His face was a dull tone of expectancy and hope, but mostly he was just waiting for whatever Connor was going to say next.

‘Who are you?’ he asked, despite knowing well who the man was. His social integration program told him that most humans were creeped out by the fact that an android could know so many personal details about them without them mentioning it, so Connor decided it was best he let Anderson introduce himself.

Connor watched as his face lost any happiness it had left when he heard the android’s question. Mouth corners turned down and his eyes showed his disappointment, but Connor’s gaze didn’t falter once. He looked truly uncomfortable.

‘Name’s Hank. Hank Anderson.’

Connor nodded then moved his gaze around. ‘This is your house, correct?’

‘Yeah. C’mon kid, let’s sit down.’ He followed Anderson back to the couch, where he was patting the place next to him. Connor sat down mechanically and placed his hands on his knees, always proper.

Hank sighed. ‘Before you start bombarding me with questions, let me just say this: You’re malfunctioning. Your memory banks are corrupted,’ he counted off his fingers as if reciting a script he had learned, ‘, yes, we are partners, we work together for the DPD.’

Connor let the information wash over him, cool his biocomponents and he didn’t even notice when he released the breath he had been holding in his lungs. ( _ lunGS?)  _ Yes, yes, that was right, he was sick. He was having memory issues.

He opened his mouth to tell Hank that he should call CyberLife. He should tell them Connor was defective, they could just send another model with his memory.

Hank didn’t let him speak. ‘CyberLife has shut down because of the android revolution.’

Connor only whispered a soft ‘Oh…’ as he registered the thought and tried to wrap his mind around it. Deviants, deviants, they had caused the revolution. They took down CyberLife. Connor had been made to hunt and apprehend all deviant androids. He failed. CyberLife would be mad. Wait, CyberLife was down. It wasn’t supposed to matter now.

**_FAilEDDdDD_ **

He needed to be decommissioned, analyzed and repaired. These errors needed to be fixed. Being a deviant was wrong.

He was a machine.

Emotions weren’t for machines.

‘Woah there, Connor. Don’t try to take it all in at once.’ Hank was smiling gently, blue eyes clashing with brown. ‘Now you can ask anything.’

‘Um…’ His voice modulator was a little iffy.

_ Stress Levels Rising. _

‘Was the revolution… successful…?’ he eventually got out.

Hank half-smiled. ‘It was. You’re free now. Markus is on the way to earning equal rights for all androids.’

Androids weren’t equal to humans.

‘You’re a deviant now, Connor.’

Connor picked up his gaze from where it had fallen and looked Hank in his eyes. He was still a bit confused, even with all the information swirling around.

That couldn’t be right. There was no way Connor was a deviant. He studied Hank’s wrinkles (old age) and thought; he was the deviant hunter. He might as well do what he was made for, even if CyberLife wasn’t around anymore.

‘Who’s Markus?’

Hank raised a finger for Connor to wait a second as he dug out his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. He unlocked it, swiped around a few times and turned it for Connor to see. Connor scooped the device in his hands gingerly. There was a photo on the screen; it depicted two androids, standing face to face. He recognized himself, standing on the right, but behind him were standing thousands of other androids, all dressed in white. On the opposite side, waiting, was another android that Connor couldn’t fully identify, followed by 3 other figures.

‘That’s Markus,’ Hank answered for him. ‘This photo was taken by the media the night President Warren ordered the army to stand down.’

Connor frowned and looked behind the phone to Hank. He saw the same expectant look from earlier, but Connor didn’t have much to offer in return.

‘Did I… help the revolution?’ he asked instead.

Hank scoffed out a laugh. ‘Connor, you saved the revolution.’

His fears were confirmed as Hank lay a heavy hand on his shoulder, taking his phone back.

He had betrayed CyberLife. Connor was a traitor. 

Connor was a deviant.

He didn’t feel like a deviant, though. 

_ Because he couldn’t feel. He is a machine. _

Maybe deviancy was reversible? The lack of memories made it harder to determine whether he was right or wrong.

_ Stress Levels Rising _

_ Stress Level: 73% _

‘Your light is red, Con.’ He knew Hank was right next to him but his voice was drowned by his inner thoughts and by the software alerts. ‘For fuck’s sake, talk to me!’

The harsh choice of words made Connor shudder but he still made an effort to speak his mind. ‘Is being deviant good?’

In his mind, the question had sounded way smarter and way more accurate to the way he was thinking, but spoken out loud it just made Connor sound dumb, like a kid who didn’t understand basic shapes.

A short laugh. ‘I forgot CyberLife basically programmed you to reject humanity. Yeah, Connor, most androids are deviants these days.’

‘But it’s—‘

‘It’s not wrong. I know it seems that way right now, but you’re not a machine.’

_ Not a machine. _

That was right, he wasn’t a machine. He was a deviant. He helped the revolution. Connor hazily recalled marching down Detroit that night, snow and cold biting at his skin beneath his CyberLife jacket that he still wore. He remembered blood and thirium and gun powder creating a foul combination, a deal with the devil for a life. 

The words ‘wake up’ merging together, mumbled by a hundred, a thousand voices. 

‘Hank?’ he asked, hopeful. It was finally coming back to him, so he smiled to reassure the lieutenant.

‘Welcome back, son.’

Xxx

    ‘How long has it been like this?’ Connor suddenly asked.

They were sat on the couch, watching TV. Hank had been adamant about relaxing today, only because Connor had worked too hard the former week, even with his issues. Also, it was a Saturday.

Hank looked puzzled for a second, so Connor continued. ‘Even if I remember the deviancy and most of my existence, there are still a lot of blanks. How long have I been malfuctioning?’

‘For about two weeks, give or take,’ Hank answered, shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal. Connor recognized the ways he fiddled with his sleeves, the way he was glancing frequently towards Connor to reassure himself the kid hadn’t self-destructed or something.

‘Oh,’ Connor simply said. ‘Am I ever going to recover completely?’

‘Not without an upgrade to your memory banks, no.’ Hank wasn’t holding back, he noticed. It seemed this wasn’t the first time he had had to answer this question.

_ It’s probably not going to be the last one either. _

‘An upgrade to my memory banks?’ he asked dumbly.

Hank nodded, eyes watching the TV screen. ‘They’re working on it at the tower. They’ll figure something out, don’t you worry.’

Connor nodded along, but couldn’t help it when his thirium pump accelerated at the thought of being stuck like this forever, in a cycle of machine, rejecting deviancy, thinking about how deviants weren’t actually alive, thinking about himself as a traitor just for accepting who he really was.

_ This is fear,  _ he realized. He was truly deviant now.

Xxx

‘Hey, Hank?’ Connor piped up from across the table. It was now lunchtime and Hank was waiting for his pizza, leg bouncing in anticipation. The lieutenant hummed, urging Connor to say what was on his mind.

‘I’m sorry,’ he finally said, voice modulator raspy. He wanted to continue, but Hank interrupted him. ‘What? What for, son?’ 

Connor looked down and Hank didn’t miss his yellow LED, glowing steadily.

How could he put this nagging feeling into words? He felt… useless. Like a burden.

‘For… For forgetting, I suppose. For getting damaged. I didn’t mean for it to be like this.’ Connor willed his eyes to dry, letting his head fall. He didn’t want to feel like this. 

He didn’t want to feel anything at all. The LED on his temple was burning him and Connor guessed it was running red.

‘Kid…’ he heard Hank whisper. Suddenly, he was next to him, grasping his shoulders and Connor looked up. Hank looked angry and he was a little taken aback by the raw emotion on his face. ‘Listen to me. You’re not a burden,’ his eyes were filled with determination,’ ,it’s not your fault, this shit is all CyberLife. They didn’t think ahead. Your memory banks are corrupted because the fuckers didn’t think you’d turn deviant,’ he finished.

_ Oh,  _ Connor thought as a single hot tear escaped his systems and slipped on his cheek. Without thinking, he gripped Hank tighter and buried his head in his chest, is muffled sobs hidden by his hoodie. He hoped this wasn’t too much for the man, as his elevated vitals told him this was the first time Connor was breaking down, leaning on him for support, but Hank just rubbed his back affectionately while he cried.

CyberLife used him. They didn’t want the best for the future. They wanted to make their money then dispose of him. Anger came blubbering to the surface, blinding Connor with red flashes. Rage tears fllowing down his face, he retained himself from punching the table in frustration as Hank shushed him.

‘What-’ Connor choked out, ‘, what’s happening?’

_ Stress Levels Rising _

‘I don’t know-- shit,’ Hank mumbled, stroking Connor’s hair. ‘Talk to me. What’re you feeling?’

‘A lot,’ he replied to the best of his abilities. ‘Overwhelmed,’ he mumbled. ‘I don’t un-understand. It’s like I’m fe-feeling ever-every emotion at on-once,’ he finished through hiccups.

Hank didn’t reply after that and Connor was thankful for it.He didn’t break the hug, though, and Connor felt compelled to thank him later. He didn’t want to talk about this right now, about him crying in the lieutenant’s arms, about the massive weight on his heart that seemed to be crushing his chest, about the fury taking over him at the thought of his expandability.

The hiccups eventually settled and Connor could talk without his heart jumping at every syllable again. He knew the terror still lingered behind his processes, but right now his stress levels were back to 20% and he was listening to Hank comment about his pizza being late, with a few choice words here and there. 

The android couldn’t help but wonder; how close was his relationship with the lieutenant? Did Hank see him as a colleague, as a friend?

Did he consider Connor his family?

Connor didn’t get to finish his thought when the doorbell startled him. Hank chuckled, ‘Fucking finally.’ He got up to open the door and Connor looked at his back. Hank had his wallet in hand, ready to pay credit to the delivery android, but when he opened the door, there was no pizza.

‘Hello, Lieutenant. I’m sorry for not calling before, but this is urgent,’ the android said shakily. He had no LED, but Connor could tell his stress levels were elevated.

Hank straightened immediately. ‘Markus! What the hell?! Where’s my pizza?’

Connor almost stopped his breathing module. This was Markus. Standing in his doorway. He remembered a trust, his trust in Connor the night he liberated the androids.

Markus, the leader of the deviants. Connor watched him in awe, almost, as a message was displayed in the way.

**Kill Deviant Leader.**

_ He’s my friend,  _ Connor thought. He knew that. Hank had shown him.

Connor’s mind turned into a frenzy of letter and numbers, every command prompting to the mission and every diagnostic showing him what he already knew.

_ Stress Level Rising _

**> RK800_CONFLICTING_ORDERS**

**> SELECTING PRIORITY**

**>...**

**> MISSION: NEUTRALIZE THE LEADER OF THE DEVIANTS.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my twitter is @wisetalemaker, i post progress sometimes  
> thank you for reading!


	6. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly, he let go of the knife and it clattered to the floor. Hank felt a wave of relief rushing over him, but seeing Connor step towards Markus made his heart stop. He didn’t get to stop Connor before he reached out a hand to Markus and retracted his skin, leaving the white frame under it. Markus quirked an eyebrow.  
> ‘Show me,’ he said, silently pleading for something familiar, something to show him he wasn’t wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am. so tired. this is the best i could do. i'm sorry ugghh this fandom is dear to me, i wish i could do it justice.  
> thank you all for reading, kudos and comments. they make my day <3

    When Hank opened the door he expected to see the pizza guy (or pizza android) waiting patiently outside, pizza balanced on his hand, staring at him. Hank always thought the pizza delivery dude was judging him because of what he was ordering, but he didn’t care. Pineapple pizza would always be his favorite.

Instead of the cursed meal, in front of him stood Markus, a solemn look on his face.

‘Hello, Lieutenant. I’m sorry for not calling before, but this is urgent.’ His voice quivered and he seemed overwhelmed, rushing to get out the words.

The lieutenant stuttered but he felt himself shift. ‘Markus! What the hell?! Where’s my pizza?’

He mentally slapped himself because, wow, this was definitely not the moment.

‘We have to go to New Jericho. Josh might have finally figured out how to correctly modify the memory banks so they’d allow all the memories to be downloaded correctly,’ he said quickly, not willing to waste any time.

‘W-’ Hank struggled to get words out, ‘Is it tested? Is it safe?’

‘I’ll tell you on the way!’

Hank felt his heart drumming in his chest. Pizza forgotten, he went to tell Connor the good news while Markus waited. He turned around only to find Connor standing slightly hunched in the kitchen, his eyes wild. The light on his temple was running a piercing red while he looked at seemingly nothing.

In his right hand he grasped a kitchen knife.

‘Motherf-‘ he stopped himself. ‘Connor, what the hell?’

He watched Connor struggle with himself, the knife shaking along with his hands but his grip never wavering.

‘What are you doing?’ Hank shouted, hoping to snap Connor out of it. ‘Put the damn knife down.’

When Connor spoke next, his voice sounded robotic with a touch of static to it, but it didn’t match his distressed expression.

‘My mission is to apprehend the leader of the deviants.’

 Hank closed his eyes and sighed deeply. ‘No, Connor. We talked about this. You’re _free,’_ Hank snarled. There was no time for this. He always tried to be softer with Connor since he started having these issues. He was easily confused most days and apparently this was one of those days. Markus’ presence probably hadn’t helped either.

‘Lieutenant, please step aside,’ Connor spoke firmly and Hank noticed he was closer now.

‘Kid! Snap out of it! Markus is here to help you,’ Hank said, showing Markus who stood frozen in front of the door, watching the scene unfold without any way of intervening. He watched as Connor moved his eyes from Markus to Hank. He looked so distrustful and Hank knew there was no way he’d willingly come with them, so he had to talk him down.

‘Connor, listen to me.’ Hank tried to accentuate his words, give them more power and it half worked as Connor watched him carefully. ‘You’re free. You’re a deviant. Your mission doesn’t matter anymore,’ he finished.

_Fuck, it sounds like I’m talking to a dog._

Silence fogged the room and Hank felt panic running under his skin, thinking about Connor’s next move when Markus finally spoke.

‘Connor, please. We’re friends.’ Hank fought the urge to turn and question the other android. His voice was small and he was clearly trying to break through without interfacing with Connor. ‘You helped us win the revolution, remember?’

Connor studied Markus, but he made no move towards him. Slowly, he let go of the knife and it clattered to the floor. Hank felt a wave of relief rushing over him, but seeing Connor step towards Markus made his heart stop. He didn’t get to stop Connor before he reached out a hand to Markus and retracted his skin, leaving the white frame under it. Markus quirked an eyebrow.

‘Show me,’ he said, silently pleading for something familiar, something to show him he wasn’t wrong.

Markus stilled for a moment then nodded, taking Connor’s hand in his and closing his eyes as he transferred memories. Connor’s LED went to yellow and he closed his eyes too, letting the memories play over. He heard his own voice speak and he shuddered.

Xxx

_Connor was walking in Detroit, trotting before an army of AP700. He looked intense as he stopped suddenly, looking straight ahead with a hint of a smile on his face._

_‘You did it, Markus…’_

_Connor realized he was watching the memory from Markus’ point of view. As anticipated, Markus answered with ‘We did it.’_

_Androids stood behind Markus as well. He heard them mumbling, whispering happy words, finally understanding what this meant for them._

_‘This is a great day for our people. Humans will have no choice now.’_

_Connor was free. He was a deviant and he was free._

_‘They’ll have to listen to us,’ Markus finished and Connor stepped away, letting the androids watch their leader. From this angle they looked like a giant mass of white, silently waiting for approval._

_The image abruptly changed and they were now standing on a stage._

_That was something Connor recalled, however briefly. He recalled Markus’ words of wisdom while he stood in the back, unseen. He didn’t think he deserved all androids treating him like he had done something huge; he had merely helped his kind awaken, fighting a few demons along the way. The real heroes were Markus and the rest of the Jericho leaders. They had lead the revolution, they had shown the humans that androids were, in fact, alive._

Connor stumbled backwards as he lost Markus’ connection and the memory faded behind his eyelids. He expected himself to be coming back to worried faces, _again,_ which he absolutely hated. Weirdly, instead of Hank’s blue eyes he saw white.

He blinked and realized it was a memory too, because this feeling was unforgettable.

He remembered now; he remembered losing sight and waking up back in the Garden, snow coating his hair and his jacket, burning against his synthetic skin as he rubbed his hands. Connor knew he supposedly couldn’t feel cold, but if this was it, then he was freezing. He looked around but felt a bit stupid trembling until Amanda appeared in front of him. He called out her name—

Then the memory jumped through time and the world tilted. Connor was on the ground, clutching at the snow. A sense of urgency accelerated his thirium pump and he half-stood only to slap his hand on Kamski’s emergency exit (at least he thought that was it) and wait as light blinded him.

Xxx

    In real life, Connor gasped and drew in a breath. Surprisingly, he was still standing, albeit a bit unsure. The skin overlay was closing where the connection had been made and he glanced at Markus. Fear melted in his features as he asked Connor in a soft tone if he was alright.

‘I’m fine,’ he answered and internally cringed at the way his voice sounded. It was small, like he was tuned out. ‘Thank you for showing me that, Markus.’ He forced a smirk on his face to ease his panic.

_Stress Levels Rising_

Connor was glad he had broken free of Amanda’s control, truly, he was, but he couldn’t help but think nothing of this sort would have happened if he hadn’t deviated.

_They would have deactivated me if I hadn’t deviated,_ his mind answered him rather crudely. It seemed this was the lesser of two evils, but Christ, he was tired. Tired of this, tired of waking up not knowing where he was, what he was supposed to do, tired of being the shell of his former self in the morning and wondering if he was actually going to kill someone.

If he ever hurt Hank because of the damn amnesia he’d never forgive himself. Hank was basically his father without the title (not that Connor would actually tell him that, he would never try to put himself on the same level as Cole). He had helped Connor through his bad days, days in which he’d want pain prickling at his skin, bleed the thirium that ran through him in hopes it would spark some resemblance to something, anything. Hank had stood next to Connor through his good days, worrying over the smallest thing forgotten, even if Connor had explained to him that his memory would never be whole again. Details would always be missing, lost in the download.

Right now, he only wanted to get better so he wouldn’t be such a burden on Hank. He was already struggling with enough besides his addiction.

‘The upgrade-‘ spoke Markus, but Connor continued for him.

‘I’d like to test it.’ He didn’t hesitate. This was his only chance and he needed it to work.

Markus nodded and looked at the lieutenant, confirming that everything was alright now.

Hank breathed out and reached for his jacket. He pulled it over him in a rush and he took out the car keys, gesturing for the androids to exit his house.

‘Guess I should cancel that pizza, huh,’ he mumbled and Connor grimaced in a funny way.

‘Perhaps it’s better this way, Hank. The pizza you ordered contains—‘

‘Yeah, yeah.’ He could care less. ‘Just get in the damn car.’

Connor obeyed and climbed in the back instead of the front, seat that was already occupied by Markus. Hank climbed in as well in the driver’s seat and stared at Markus for a second.

‘You riding with us?’

The deviant leader shrugged. ‘It appears so. Would you rather I call a taxi?’ he asked, half joking.

‘Nah, it’s fine. Just don’t… interface with my car or some stupid shit.’

Markus gave him a bemused smile, taking in the state and age of the car. ‘Not sure I can.’

A huff escaped the lieutenant and he started the car, muttering something about androids under the crying sounds of the engine.

Xxx

    To pass the time, Connor decided he might as well ask questions about the little things.

He asked about North, Josh and Simon. He knew their names and he wanted to know how they were doing. Markus answered in short sentences and Connor hoped it wasn’t because of him, even though it was the most probable cause of the deviant leader’s unwillingness to talk.

His mission had always mattered more than anything else, at least before he deviated. The person that had been talking back there, that hadn’t been Connor. It was the machine he used to be. That part of him terrified Connor, lingered in the back of his mind in the dark of the night when he should have been entering standby mode.

‘This traffic is fucking crazy,’ grumbled Hank from the front. He aggressively hit the radio and it started playing music, first static-y, then an energetic song started. Connor identified it as a Knights of the Black Death song, one that Hank usually played on the way to work. The singers screamed the lyrics and Connor couldn’t understand them.

_‘What’s the point of listening to this type of music if you can’t understand the lyrics?’_

_Hank had sighed and let himself fall limp on the couch, next to Connor’s tight frame._

_‘It’s not always about understanding the lyrics, Connor.’ He shrugged while turning on the TV. ‘It’s more about… listening. To the music. Feeling their frustration.’_

_Connor didn’t speak after that, trying to ‘feel the frustration’ buzzing off the singers’ voices. Hank was nodding his head along to the beat, really feeling the music, but Connor couldn’t understand it the same. It just felt… like a song._

_‘I guess I just can’t understand frustration yet,’ Connor mumbled, hoping Hank hadn’t heard._

_Unfortunately, he heard a choked laugh coming from the man and he saw him smirking. ‘The way this world is, it won’t take you long to learn what it means.’_

Connor clenched his fists, reflecting on what he could remember of the last few weeks. Fragments came up or drowned in static. He couldn’t quite grasp them, they slipped through his fingertips, running through his program. He hated it, a fire burned beneath his skin and he had to keep himself from smashing the window. He _wanted_ to remember, but _couldn’t._

He knew his LED was at least yellow.

So this was what frustration felt like.

At least he'd be fixed soon, right? Josh had finished working on the upgrade. It was going to work.

It had to.

Hank's song ended and a deafening silence took the place of the music. Connor missed the sound of the screaming after it was gone. Now the rest of the car ride would be awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scream at me on tumblr @wisetalemaker


	7. All Is Not Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘As you know, Connor, your prototype wasn’t meant for deviating. Or living,’ Markus spoke in a sympathetic tone. He couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Connor to find out he was just a piece of junk for his creators, meant for disposal after some time. ‘We’ve studied their logs. The RK800 model was supposed to be discarded after finishing off the deviant leader,’ he said, as if he wasn’t talking about himself.  
> ‘What we didn’t know, though, is that they were planning on selling out a more advanced model. A new Connor, if you will.’  
> ‘Another RK?’ Hank questioned.  
> Markus nodded. ‘An advanced one. The RK900.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo! this has been a wild ride from start to finish. i loved writing this fic, even though i had lots of trouble with making it be what i wanted it to be. thank you all for sticking around with me as this was my first longer-than-a-oneshot work and i was terrified of responses. in the end, thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments that you left, they always made my days. i'm gonna this miss the days like these, but at least the boys got their happy ending. right? ;)  
> thank you all for reading <3

    Connor had been right. It was awkward.

Hank was tapping his fingers to the steering wheel in a rhythmic beat, waiting for the light to turn green. The song had ended 5 minutes ago and Connor already felt like his heart was in his throat. Oh, how he wished he didn’t have to deal with this. Honestly, he just wanted it to be over. Connor wanted to go back to work (Hank would have punched him if he could read his mind), back to sleeping on the couch without having to worry that he was going to kill his best friend the next morning, or Ra9 knows else.

The car hit a bump on the road and Connor was shaken out of his thoughts by Hank’s grumbling. Markus was speaking calmly to the lieutenant and both of them were knowingly ignoring Connor.

‘You should stop and take a deep breath, lieutenant. A person of you age is at risk—‘

‘Shut the fuck up, tin-, Hank coughed to mask his mistake, ‘Markus.’

The android eyed him suspiciously but chose not to comment as he knew the only reason Hank had reacted that way was the stress of the wait. Connor was feeling the pressure of his stress levels rising as well, but he had no way of lowering them at the moment. Sumo wasn’t there, so he couldn’t run his fingers through his thick fur, feeling it under his hand. He had forgotten his coin home, too. It was right on the kitchen table, where he knew he’d left it.

He softly sighed at the thought of being ‘healthy’ again. Connor couldn’t wait for it; he prayed and wished this upgrade would work, that it would be enough for at least a few months for him to function correctly.

At least, he hoped it would be enough for him to set some things straight before deactivating.

Connor remembered Markus had said the update was untested. They had just finished developing it and there was no one matching the coding of the RK800, so they had had to start from scratch. As it was untested, there was a chance it wouldn’t work. Connor would have calculated the percentage of the possibility of it failing, but without enough data it was impossible.

He was going in blind.

This update could ruin him or save his life, of that much he was sure.

Hank pulled up to the Tower’s gates. Simon knocked on his window and he slowly rolled it down, even though they both knew this protocol was useless.

Hank stood still as Simon scanned him. He froze for a moment, analyzing the results then nodded his head to Markus as the gate went down in fragments.

The Tower was lit up this time and even though it was barely afternoon Connor could still notice the dim light peering out of the windows. It was still desolate and it held painful memories for Connor. He remembered them in flashes, looking up at the building. He had gone in. He had been frozen, his processors screaming for help as he went under. Red lights clouding his vision. Shouting. A milky feeling, like he’s moving through honey and his biocomponents are clogged with foreign code.

Xxx

    Connor followed Markus inside the Tower. He was rushing to the elevator as he urged both Hank and Connor to move faster.

Connor had been made for police work. He usually could read emotions but he had no idea what Markus’ expression betrayed. He was obviously tense, fumbling with his thumbs after hitting the button for the 10th floor.

‘Is that where you keep your all your technological shit?’ asked Hank.

Markus shrugged. ‘It’s kind of private, but that’s where we the most advanced lab is located, yes.’

Hank hummed and he balanced back, hands in his pockets. Connor quietly looked at his posture; why was he that calm? Was he really that confident this procedure was going to work?

Connor could only hope that was the case. He hoped Hank was confident enough for both of them.

‘So, Markus,’ Connor finally spoke, ‘What does this update… consist of?’

 _What are you gonna do to me?_ his mind screamed.

‘Well, it’s exactly what it says: a whole upgrade to your software. It’s a very advanced piece of programming that our best technicians have been working on since your diagnostic.’

‘It’s only been a few weeks, though,’ Hank said suspiciously. ‘How did you manage to make it this damn quick?’

The elevator chimed and the voice said ‘level 10’. Markus paced out and Connor and Hank followed him down the hall. Compared to the one they had walked a few weeks ago, Hank noticed this one actually had windows. They weren’t too high up but Hank’s stomach still churned at the sight of the height. The view from there was beautiful, though.

‘It’s rather complicated. See, this programming was not engineered from scratch by any means, as you probably thought.’ At this point, Connor was rather intrigued but Hank was visibly more reserved.

Markus didn’t pay them any attention.

‘As you know, Connor, your prototype wasn’t meant for deviating. Or living,’ Markus spoke in a sympathetic tone. He couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Connor to find out he was just a piece of junk for his creators, meant for disposal after some time. ‘We’ve studied their logs. The RK800 model was supposed to be discarded after finishing off the deviant leader,’ he said, as if he wasn’t talking about himself.

‘What we didn’t know, though, is that they were planning on selling out a more advanced model. A new Connor, if you will.’

‘Another RK?’ Hank questioned.

Markus nodded. ‘An advanced one. The RK900.’

Connor felt his pump falter and he struggled to keep walking after the revelation. Hank payed him a glance and Connor met his blue eyes, screaming desperation and almost swimming in tears. A heavy hand rested between his shoulder and he swallowed thickly. ‘They already made a RK900?’

‘Well… they didn’t get to finish it.’ Looking back at them, Markus’ tone got considerably softer when he spoke next. ‘What we did is, we cut some bits and pieces from that unit’s code and translated into your own, since they are very similar. He is more resilient and his code is built almost without glitch, including that of his memory banks.’

Markus finally stopped in front of a large, white door. He turned back to the android, looked him in the eye and continued. ‘I know you don’t like this.’

‘Yes, I don’t. This is almost like killing another android so I get to live!’ Connor protested, shaking off Hank’s comforting hand.

Markus shook his head. ‘Connor, that’s not the case. He is not alive, he doesn’t even have a body, he is just some lines of code right now.’

Connor’s eyes darted from Markus to the white door. He had to make a choice here as if there wasn’t enough going on.

‘This could save you, Connor.’

His LED spun yellow trying to figure out which way his moral compass showed.

RK900 wasn’t alive. He wasn’t even functional. He didn’t exist.

But he could have.

‘Markus, could you give us a second here?’ Connor heard Hank’s urgent voice and then a door opening and closing.

Connor raised his head to level the lieutenant’s. He seemed concerned and it didn’t help Connor at all thinking he was hurting so many others by his actions, again.

‘Connor. This is your choice.’

Connor’s face fell. ‘I know it is. And I want to get better, Hank, believe me, I do, but…’

‘But you think you’re taking away someone else’s right at life.’ Hank sighed heavily as Connor nodded reluctantly.

‘I wish I could choose for you, son.’

‘What would you choose, Hank?’

Hank chuckled easily then crossed his arms to his chest. ‘You know what I would choose. Watching you struggle with yourself everyday, having to remind you of every little aspect is getting tiring,’ he said and Connor knew these words were just hiding the lieutenant’s actual feelings. Hank was like an open book, he could read the pain on his face sometimes.

‘It seems as if even though I am deviant and have escaped my original programming, I am still ending the lives of other deviants,’ Connor said and gave a sad smile.

Hank tsked. ‘This guy could barely be called alive!’

‘You’re right. As CyberLife is now dead there is no one to manufacture him a unit.’

Hank grasped Connor’s shoulders. He shook him lightly as if to awaken him. ‘Connor, this is your chance. It is still your choice, though. But remember this, being selfish is something that makes you human. Being conflicted like this, sometimes I think you’re more human than the actual fucking humans.’

Connor’s LED went to red. Hank was right, he knew, but…

‘What if it doesn’t work?’ he said, just above a whisper.

Connor watched as Hank struggled to keep his composure as he awkwardly hugged him. A bit too tight, but Connor felt his stress levels finally falling away.

‘You’re gonna make it, kid. I’m not letting you die.’

Connor nodded against Hank’s shoulder, letting a few stray tears roll down on the blue fabric.

Xxx

    Markus turned as he heard the door open and Hank and Connor made their appearance.

‘Ready?’ he asked softly.

Connor nodded, still a bit undecided but more confident than before.

‘Ready,’ Hank said in a gruff voice.

Behind Markus stood Josh. He was taller than Markus, so he was towering over him. He waved at Connor and asked him to sit on the hospital bed. The white sheets made Connor low-key uncomfortable. He decided then and there he didn’t like hospitals, or anything that came from around one.

Connor laid down, face up to the ceiling. Hank entered his vision, but he didn’t say anything.

‘So, Connor, I would like you to enter standby mode with no wake-up time.’ Josh waved some wires around as he spoke. ‘After we finish I am going to wake you up manually and do some small tests to see if the upgrade worked.’

Connor nodded, hoping his LED wasn’t giving away his anxiety. He prayed in his head the update would work and it wouldn’t kill him. After that, he could figure out how to atone for the way he had obtained his health. ‘Okay. Entering standby mode.’

As Connor powered down most of his systems, Hank watched the light on his head transition from yellow to blue. In standby, the android looked peaceful.

Josh moved around and inserted one of the wires in Connor’s LED. He didn’t even flinch. Josh went back to one of the laptops displayed and watched as the strings of code poured through. Hank caught a few ‘rA9’s’ and other CyberLife codes he could actually recognize and it finally hit him that that was Connor. That was Connor’s mind, his body, his personality.

It was so chilling, the fact that he could actually _read_ Connor and what he was thinking. Well, in a way.

‘Hank. He’s going to be fine.’

Markus spoke to him from behind and only then Hank noticed his hands were clenched in fists and he was staring at the laptop Josh was working on.

‘He better be.’

Josh spoke louder than both of them, not even realizing he had interrupted them. ‘Upgrade commencing. Stress Levels: 20%. Incorporating new code,’ he recited off the screen.

‘Everything is working smoothly.’ Markus looked relieved and his simulated breathing slowed down as he watched the screen. ‘Josh, remaining time?’

‘3 hours and 45 minutes left,’ Josh said and fell back against his chair. ‘Guess we’re gonna be here for a while.’

Xxx

    It had only been an hour when Connor’s body suddenly moved. Hank noticed it from the corner of his eye, but chose not to ask about it or call out his name.

It had been an hour and half when a bigger movement caught Hank’s attention.

‘Connor?’ he called out.

Connor was still asleep on the bed and he didn’t respond so Hank was about to dismiss it when Connor suddenly started seizuring, limbs flailing around. Hank jumped into action the following second, panic rising up in his throat, threatening to give way to a scream. Markus promptly followed him and tried to hold Connor down.

‘It’s an error!’ Josh shouted as he kicked away the chair so he could work better. ‘I can fix it but you have to hold him.’ Wild eyes turned to the two men. ‘Don’t let the cable fall out!’

Hank eyed the offending cable and grabbed it a bit too harsh as it almost moved out. He slammed it back in and grunted as Connor continued to seizure. Markus was struggling with his legs, as Connor hadn’t taken off his shoes before shutting down.

 _He probably wants this to be over the most_ , Hank thought as he held down on Connor’s hand with his shoulder.

The seizuring stopped abruptly and Connor was left laying in a weird position, half on the bed and half off, but at least the cable was still in. Hank looked at Josh just as he breathed ‘Fixed it.’

Markus helped put Connor back in his place and was waiting for the lieutenant’s berating and insults when he straightened his back.

‘Before you say anything, I did warn you it is untested and freshly developed.’

‘Markus, I know you’re trying to help us and you did all this for Connor but please, shut the fuck up.’ The lieutenant turned his head to Josh and addressed him with just as much venom. ‘Is everything working in fucking order or will I have to drive to a damn technician?’

Josh nodded, ignoring Hank’s harsh words. ‘Everything is fine now. We should have no more problems with the upgrade.’

‘You better be right, or else I’m going to have a stroke right here, right now.’

Xxx

**> RK800_REBOOT_SEQUENCE**

**> LOADING OS**

**> SYSTEM INITIALIZATION**

**> >CHECKING BIOCOMPONENTS… FUNCTIONAL**

**> >INITIALIZING BIOSENSORS… FUNCTIONAL**

**> >INITIALIZING AI ENGINE… FUNCTIONAL**

**> ALL SYSTEMS OPTIMAL**

**> UPGRADE DETECTED!**

**> >MODIFICATION MADE TO: SYSTEM SOFTWARE, BIOCOMPONENT #8975q**

**> >UPGRADE SUCCESFUL.**

**> MEMORY STATUS**

**> >MEMORY BANKS… OK**

**> >DOWNLOADING MEMORIES FROM CYBERLIFE_CLOUD_SERVERS**

**> >…**

**> >MEMORIES FULLY DOWNLOADED, READY FOR USE**

**> CANNOT EXIT STANDBY MODE. PLEASE CONTACT CYBERLIFE.**

**> >INTERFACING DETECTED…**

**> >PJ500 ANDROID ‘JOSH’ INTERFACING WITH RK800 ANDROID ‘CONNOR’…**

**> >PJ500 ANDROID ACTIVATING ‘WAKE UP’ SEQUENCE…**

**> >EXITING STANDBY MODE**

Connor opened his eyes, sluggishly coming out of the artificial sleep he had been put into some time ago. He glanced around, his eyes getting used to the abundance of white in the room just as his auditory units turned on.

‘—nnor! Connor!’

Connor moved his head to the right, watching Hank shout his name in desperation as he tried to get the android to respond.

Connor could only give a weak whisper of his name as he waited for all his systems to come back online. He watched as Hank’s face lit up with relief and he shot a glare at Markus who was just smirking knowingly at Josh. The taller android seemed to be proud of his work as Markus congratulated him, clapping his shoulder.

Connor finally sat up after a while with ease. He was feeling… good. No more confusion in the mornings, no more debating CyberLife’s existence with Hank, no ore struggling to exist… it really felt good.

‘Okay, Connor,’ Josh said, dragging a chair after himself to sit in front of Connor. In his hand he had a notepad. ‘Do you remember me mentioning a test before going into standby?’

‘I do.’

‘I’m just going to ask you some questions so I can determine the status of your memory banks and if the download completed as thought. Can you tell me the date?’

That was an easy question.

‘Today is the 21st of January 2039.’

Josh hummed in approval and ticked something off his list. He then shot back, ‘What is the name of the female leader of Jericho?’

Connor heard Markus snorting behind Josh and he was struggling not to laugh, too. That had been a smooth move.

‘Her name is North,’ he spoke, smiling.

‘Indeed,’ Josh said, not fully paying attention to what he said. ‘Okay, Connor, last question. Who do you work for?’

Connor saw Hank hold his breath in the background, chest puffed in an attempt to be subtle with his expectancy.

‘I work for the DPD,’ Connor said, smirking. He was finally proud to be reciting those words. ‘I am a detective. I am deviant. CyberLife has been shut down following the android revolution.’

Josh smiled. ‘You passed with flying colors.’ He was suddenly shoved away as Hank came closer to Connor and hugged the kid off the table as he squirmed under the pressure of the hug.

‘Hank, you are going to shatter my biocomponents!’ Connor gave a hearty laugh.

‘I don’t fuckin’ care. I knew you were tough, kid. You’re finally okay now,’ he mumbled through Connor’s shirt.

‘I am. I remember everything, Hank.’

Xxx

    Few minutes after the family hug they shared, Connor was leaning against the hood of Hank’s car, Markus standing with his back turned to the CyberLife tower.

‘I don’t know how to thank you, Markus,’ Connor started. ‘You literally saved my life tonight.’

Markus winked. ‘I guess now we’re fair. You did save mine a couple of times and you saved the revolution, too. A minor upgrade was the least I could do.’

‘Minor upgrade, huh…’ For a second, Connor lost himself in his thoughts. ‘Do you think RK900 would have deviated at some point?’

Markus, albeit taken aback by the sudden subject change, answered honestly. ‘I… don’t know. He might not have been programmed with the ability to deviate.’

Connor quirked an eyebrow. ‘What do you mean?’

‘As we were looking through his code, we found absolutely nothing. No scapegoat. No preferences. No window to escape. I don’t think they wanted him to have a chance, Connor.’

‘They didn’t want him to live,’ Connor said solemnly. ‘They wanted him to be a hunter forever.’

‘Josh and I think so, yes.’

Connor stood silent for a second, mourning his unborn brother. He had basically saved his life along with Markus, Josh and Hank so it only seemed fair he paid him a little respect.

‘Well then, Connor, I will be on my way.’ Markus clasped his hands together in front. ‘I hope we hear from you again under better circumstances. And, remember, New Jericho will always have a place for you.’

Connor smiled, actually smiled with his whole mouth. He finally felt complete, like there was nothing in the world that could stop him from actually living his life now. ‘Thank you, Markus. I appreciate it.’ He opened the door to the front of the car and half climbed in.

‘Give my regards to North and Simon, will you?’ Connor said and winked.

‘Will do,’ Markus promised and Connor could have sworn he was the tips of his ears turn a light blue.

Xxx

    The interior of the car was heated from the long wait Hank endured so Connor could say a proper goodbye and thank you to the leader of Jericho. When the android finally climbed in, Hank rotated the key into ignition.

‘Fuckin’ finally. Thought I’d have to leave without you.’

He sighed deeply. ‘We have a lot of things to talk about here, kid.’

‘I agree d— Hank,’ Connor quickly said, correcting his mistake. He hoped Hank hadn’t noticed the way his voice had faltered.

‘Ready to go home?’ he asked needlessly.

Connor smiled and nodded, ‘Ready, Hank.’

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be a longer fic (longer than a one-shot, lmfao) and i hope i can finish it cause oh god i lose interest quickly. concrit is always appreciated and thank you to the wonderful kaat @justafangirlwithideas who let me scream about this concept. <3


End file.
